My Presidential Painting

Mar. 17, 2009

Current mood:artistic

My girlfriend Roxy (not her real name) asked me what type of painting I would like her to paint for me.  I told her it would be something that would be both distingushing and artistic.  Then it came to me.  I wanted a Presidental painting of myself.  However, I wanted it done my way.  Here's the parameters of what I would like.

First, I want to painted wearing a Napoleonic General's outfit.  Besides, I look good in blue.  I want to be posed in a victory stance riding my Triceritops.  I want to be holding a lamp made out of a deer's leg in one hand, and the head of Paul Walker (the actor (Fast and the Furious, Blue Crush)) in the other.  Namely, because he is my mortal enemy, but that's another story.

I want my army of followers pictured next to me.  They should be Gen. George S. Patton, Jr., Steve Irwin, Jason Vorhess, Slash, Optimus Prime, Bill Clinton, Bruce Lee, a Marshall stack, Norm Abrams, Olivia Munn, Cindy Crawford, Jimi Hendrix, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Jaws, a giant Crisy Creme donut, Snoopy on his doghouse, Treebeard the Ent, and Dimebag Darrell.

On the right side of the painting I want my spoils of war.  These should include the Great Pyramid of Giza, the Mona Lisa, the Great Wall of China, one of the huge stone faces from Easter Island, the Statue of Liberty, an SR-71 Blackbird jet, the Temple of Angkor Wat, King Tut, the empty skull of George W. Bush, a 52 star U.S. Flag, Madison Square Garden, a stuffed Panda Bear, a giant John Deere tractor, the Spanish Armada, the Hubble Telescope, the Pope's hat, and a giant 92 inch big screen TV.

In the background I would like two moons overhead.  Maybe a few shooting stars.  And a pterodactyl.  Overall, I think this type of painting would be a great expression of my true self.  I could look at it, and be proud of all the things I have accomplished.