The Quileute Jackass Crew

Mar 24, 2010

So I finally got around to watching "The Twilight Saga: New Moon" the other night.  I thought it was better than the first Twilight movie, and moved along at a pretty good pace.  There were a few things that went by quickly that I didn't catch.  I think they hit on those ideas in the first movie/book, and expanded on in the second book. 

But there was something that bothered me.  I couldn't quite place what it was, or when it was, but something was nagging at me.  It had something to do with Jacob Black and his friends in the Quileute Indian Tribe.  I know some girls where really "Team Edward" and others were "Team Jacob."  But why?  Why the split?  I knew in the back of my mind that there was something about Jacob and his friends that was special, yet seemed familar.

Then it hit me.  Jacob and the Quileute Tribe are the Jackass Crew.  They run around the forest looking for trouble.  They dress in shorts and boots that look like skateboarding gear.  I'm sure they smack each other in the nuts, and then turn into wolves, and fight about it.  They do extreme sports like jumping off cliffs, and tearing the heads off of vampires.  The only thing they are missing is a video camera, and internet posts.

But then I got to thinking.  What kinds of stunts would a bunch of wolves do?  First stunt: The raw meat challenge.  How much raw meat can they eat until someone throws up or poops?  Cause anyone who has had a dog knows as soon as you feed one, they have to poop.  I can just see them trying to eat raw meat, and trying to hold the poop in.

Second stunt: The hair trimmer.  This is a classic.  When one of them is not looking they smack the back of someone's head with a hair trimmer.  Third stunt: Ass shave.  This is wear they find someone passed out, and shave their ass.  Another version of this prank is to shave their body, but not their head.  It makes them look like a lion, or a naked wolf.

Fourth stunt: Syrup in the fur.  This is a classic.  You will never get that stuff out.  Another version of this is to use honey, and then release a swarm of honeybees. Really pissed off honeybees. 

Fifth stunt: The rude wake up.  When someone is sleeping you have a sound system play barking dogs at a really loud volume.

Sixth prank: The new guy.  When one of the tribe discover that they have the wolf gene, you can play this prank on them.  Since those who are new/ young have trouble controling when they turn into a wolf, the idea is to scare them, and make them turn into a wolf.  It could be something as simple as lighting firecrackers when they are asleep.  It could be throwing a bucket of ice water on them.  It could be turning on a strobe light and throwing fake rubber bats at them.  It could be playing Celine Dion at inappropriate times.  The possiblities on this one are endless.

Seventh prank:  Masking tape.  This one is funny since the wolves have so much hair.  You make them run a "training course" in the woods.  But you put masking tape in-between the trees, and when they run the course, they run right right into it.  It sticks to the fur, and hurts like Hell when you pull it off, especially with all that wolf hair.

These are just a few of the many ideas that the Wolves of Forks, Wa. could pull on each other.  I just wish that Stephenie Meyer would have gone into greater detail about the true nature of the Quileute Jackass Crew.