You Must Share Your Black Bitches

Oct 6, 2009

I can't believe I didn't write about this before now.  I even went back throughout my blogs, and looked at all of them.  I was sure that I had written about this great story.

For one month I worked for a crook named Al.  He ran a business that worked with banks to get unsecured high interest loans for people who were about to lose their houses.  A lot of people regard this as predatory and bloodsucking. 

I should have been tipped off more than a few times, but I really, really needed a job.  He was a black man who thought he was better than everyone because he was a Republican.  He also didn't like how one person on his staff was performing so he fired everyone.  But then again, he hired people that didn't even have high school educations.  I think I was the only one he hired who ever had a colllege education.  He would work 16 hours a day, 7 days a week.  He was always chasing the money.  I told him he needed to try fishing.  He told me that you didn't make any money going fishing.

One of the things I was uncomforable doing was playing mind games with people.  He was always into playing mind games.  He wanted to make people think he was more powerful and influental than he really was.  I come from a retail background.  I always wanted to help people, not screw with their heads for no reason.

Al did do one thing for fun I found out.  He wrote a screenplay.  It was bad.  Really bad.  I'm not saying this because I don't like the guy.  I'm saying it because it was really, really bad.  First off, he used spellcheck, but he didn't check the grammer.  If he meant to say the word "him," and instead spelled the word, "hid," the computer did not correct it, and neither did he.  The whole screenplay was littered with mistakes.  I mean every single sentence.  Also, a screenplay is only supposed to be 70-90 pages long.  This was 400 pages, and didn't even have an ending. 

The big problem with the script was that Al did not have a sense of humor.  Then he went, and tried to write a comedic script.  It was supposed to make fun of race issues like the movie "Blazing Saddles."  It failed miserably.  If I didn't know that Al was a black man, I would have thought that this script was written by a Klan member.  It not only ripped blacks, it berated them as ghetto, drug using monkeys with no morals.  Oh, the reason I was reading this script was to make sure the pages were in order so he could take it to Kinkos and have it printed into book form.  That way he could send out a bunch to movie studios. 

The second funniest part in the script was the way the white men talked.  If you've ever seen Dave Chapple's Show, you may know the character of the white newsman he plays.  He does it in "whiteface."  That's how all the white men in this screenplay talked. 

The funniest part of the screenplay came in which all the old white male board members of the bank were having a meeting.  The head of the bank wanted the members to vote one way, but they didn't want to.  The members then told him that they knew he had a black mistress on the side, and they wanted some black pussy too.  The exact quote was, "Yes, you must share your black bitches."  So he agreed to share his black bitches in order to get the vote to swing his way.

But that has stuck with me all these years.  You must share your black bitches.  It is so ridiculous and unrealistic you have to laugh.  In the end I made sure all the pages were in order.  Al also fired me because I called him out when his bank wouldn't accept his own check.  You read that right.  He was and still is a crook.