Sunday, February 27, 2011

Everything I Learned About Dating, I Learned From The Video Game Fable

Mar. 30, 2009

Current mood:talkative

Ah, the X-Box.  A good system for some types of games (namely fighting, and muti-player types.)  However, it never had that many RPG games that I liked except for one.  That game was Fable.  I learned a heck of a lot from playing that game.  Namely about relationships.  Truthfully, I have always been terrible at relationships.  I couldn't do anything right.  However, after being able to practice, fail, and retry playing Fable, I finally got a few things right.

To explain for those who don't know, in the game Fable you can romance different women (or men if that's your thing) in the game.  Eventually, you can get married.  However, before that happens you need to do many things.  Here are a few tips that work in the game that helped me out.

1.  Appearence :  First and foremost, your appearance stats play the biggest part in whether you can get a wife. 
1A.  Attractiveness:  Your attractiveness plays a big part on how easy it is to approach women.  It also helps with how attracted they are to you. 
1B.  Scariness:  The stat you don't want.  If you look and act evil women (and men) will run from you.  You won't even have a chance to talk to them.  So it's a good idea to keep your scariness level down.
1C.  Relationship rating:  You can tell this from the hearts over people's heads.  (Ok, this one doesn't work in real life.  It would be nice if people did have hearts over their heads.  It would clarify a few things in life.)

2.  Housing:   You don't have to have one before dating, but once you get serious about marrying, you had better have one.  That of course, means money.  So go kill some Balverines or complete some quests.  Whatever you have to do to get some gold coins to buy a house.

3.  Apparrel:  Wearing dark armor suits isn't going to impress the ladies.  Try wearing something handsome, shiny, yet manly. 

4.  Tattoos:  This is one thing you have to be careful of.  Most of them will raise your scariness level.  However, some of them can be good looking and raise your attractiveness.  A lot depends on the woman (or man if that's your thing.) 

5.  Hairstyles and Facial Hair:  This has a lot to do with your attractiveness rating.  The right combo of haircut and beard can go a long way in how others perceive you. 

6.  Renown:  In other words, how famous you are.  At the beginning of the game no woman (or man, if that's your thing) will talk to you no matter how handsome you are.  That's because you have no renown.  (In real life it works a little different, but it's still the same effect.  This is especially true with women talking (or gossiping) about a guy one of them has yet to meet.)  So how do you add to your renown?
6A.  Do quests!  (For the common man, go to work.)
6B.  When doing quests, make boasts that are within your abiltiy.  (Make sure you are good at your job, and do what you say you will do.)
6C.  Kill more creatures during your quests.  (In real life, kill cockroaches and spiders when needed.  Woman hate bugs.)
6D.  Kick ass at gambling.  (Women love the money.  But they also hate it when you lose.)
6E.  Show off your trophies.  (Women like to know that a man can do things.  And they like to celebrate your victories with you.)

7.  Of course, Fable also teaches you what not to do.
7A.  Wear ugly or scary clothing.  (Women do appreciate a snappy dresser.)
7B.  Get ugly or scary tattoos.  (Let's be honest, no one likes an ugly tattoo.... period.)
7C.  Get ugly or scary haircuts or beards.  (No one likes crazy or disturbing hair.)
7D.  Boost your scariness rating.  (Women won't even talk to a scary guy, much less date them.  The first thing women think when they see a scary guy is, "This guy is a rapist or a murderer, not someone to take home to Mom.")
7E.  Hit on women (or men, if that's your thing) while running around naked.  (It just doesn't make sense.  Ok it does for nudists, but otherwise keep on the nice, fashionable clothes.) 

8.  How to Court:  Now that you understand the importance of all of the above, you can now begin to court women (or men, if that's your thing.)
8A.  Expressions:  The big three in the game are flirt, manly arm pump, and sexy pose.  (This was something that I wasn't good at in real life, and wasn't sure it worked.  To get a woman, flirting is important to put out the signals.  Showing arm muscles, and letting her feel your muscles really does work.  However, the thing that really does work for me is the sexy pose.  I have mine down pat, and it really works great.)
8B.  Gifts:  If you don't have any, get some.  Red roses, and chocolates go a long way.  Perfume isn't bad either.  (You can give expensive gifts, but you can give a lot more inexpensive gifts, and they work just as well.  It's the thought that counts.)

9.  Getting hitched:  (Note:  I havent' made it this far into my own relationship, but the game still gives good advice.)
9A.  Proposal.  First and foremost, you can't get married if you don't have a ring.  Get a freaking ring.  (Note:  You guys may complain about it, but we all know it's true.  Don't ever propose without getting a woman a ring.)
9B.  Once you propose, your partner's heart (over their head) will turn gold.  (Ok, it doesn't work like this in real life.  However, usually you will get a "Yes," and that's pretty clear too.)
9C.  Now you can lead them to your house.  (Again, this is where it is important to have a house.  Also, in this game it is important to have a house in the village where they live.  You really, really, really, really don't want to move them from the village where they live.)
9D.  Ok there is one thing in Fable that isn't quite so true in real life.  In Fable you can have more than one wife, as long as you have a house for each wife.  Also, you are only allowed one wife per town.  (I play real life the same way I play the game, only one partner, and that's it.)

10.  Things you should not do while proposing.  Yes, it is true.  People have screwed this up.  Here's how it can happen.
10A.  Give your partner a fake wedding ring.  (Yes, in both the game and real life their are fake rings.  In both cases, do not!!!!! give them a fake ring.)
10B.  Propose to someone who is not completely in love with you.  (In real life it would be nice if everyone had giant hearts above their heads so we can tell love easily.  However, that is not the case.  Still, the advice is good.)
10C.  Propose to someone who is not in love with you.  (Duh.)
10D.  Attack your spouse at any time.  (Seriously, spousal abuse is no laughing matter.
10E.  Lead your spouse out into the wild.  (Again, in real life this is way illegal.)
11.  Maintaining your marriage.  (A lot of it is common sense, and is great advice as well.)
11A.   Spend time with your spouse.
11B.  Flirt with them.
11C.  Use pleasing expressions.
11D.  Give them gifts.
11E.  Have sex with them.  (Note: there is a lot made of the "sex" in this game.  While nothing is shown, it is important to remember in the game sex really does strengthen a relationship.)

12.  Divorce.  (Yes it happens in the game as well as real life.)  Here are some things you should avoid doing in Fable.
12A.  Using rude expressions when communicating with your partner.
12B.  Commiting crimes in your partner's presence.
12C.  Neglecting your partner.  (Ignoring them.  Not talking to them.  Not visiting them.)

13.  Effects of divorce:  Once you divorce you will get 600 evil points.  Everyone in that town will no longer like you, and none of the women in that town will be interested in you. 

So that's a lot of what I learned from Fable.  It's a great RPG, but it also teaches you a lot about life.  The game is now like 5 years old.  If you haven't played it, I recommend you do.  You can pick it up for cheap.  It's actually not that long of a game, so don't rush through it.
So everyone, have fun, and enjoy your relationships.

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