Sunday, February 27, 2011

The Secret of Meatloaf

Mar 21, 2010

Current mood:smart
I have always hated the music of Meatloaf.  You know, the guy from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show."  He's a nice guy, and I respect him as a musician and actor, but I hate his music.  Again, not a bad guy.  He was in "Fight Club" afterall.  But his music sucks.

I recently had a realization.  Maybe a revalation.  But definately an epic moment.  I finally understood what Meatloaf's song, "I would do anything for love, but I won't do that" was about.  It's true.  The song is about him not wanting to perform oral sex on his girlfriend while she is on her period. 

He tells her, "I would do anything for your sweet lov'in.  I'll take you to dinner.  I'll buy you jewerly.  I'll let you insult my Mom.  I will even let you run the vaccum during my favorite show.  But honey, I'm not doing that.  You know, eating out your bloody pussy."

You see, when this song came out I was a virgin.  I didn't know about bloody pussy.  I had no experience or idea about it.  However, in my older age I have come to know and experience bloody pussy.  And while I would do anything for sweet loving, I won't do that, you know, put my tongue in it while it's dying. 

There's a few reasons it took me this long to figure it out.  First, it didn't help that I didn't like the song.  Second, it's like 10 minutes long with a piano solo in it.  Third, it doesn't really rock, but just kinda drags on.  But now that I understand it, oh hell, I still hate it.  What's the deal man?  There's no reason to write a song about it.

I'm just glad I figured this out now.  There's no reason for anyone else to go another day without understanding this song.  People can die happy now.  You are all welcome. 

Melanie Please God, don't let Mom ever read this

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