Sunday, February 27, 2011

Asspennies From Heaven - An Inspirational Tale

Current mood:satisfied

When I was on the road with my semi-truck driver trainer Doug, I learned many things.  We were so different that it made communication really odd.  I always tried to make him laugh, and he would never laugh.  Well 99% of the time he wouldn't.  Not very often, there were a few times that I did get him to laugh.

Doug had a habit of keeping his pennies in a plastic tupperware dish under the passenger side seat.  Now Freighliner trucks are sometimes referred to as "Freightshakers" because they shake so hard going down the road.  If his penny jar hit just the right place it should shake and make all sorts of noise. 

So the first time it started making lots of noise I asked Doug about it, and he told me he held them until he could get to a change machine, and change them in for bigger bills.  I then asked him, "So you mean those aren't your asspennies?"  "He about snorted when he asked "What?"  I asked him, "Don't you save them up all at once, and put them in your ass?  Then as you go from town to town, you spend them?  That way, thousands of people are handling your asspennies?" 

Now Doug was very homophobic even if he wouldn't admit it.  In all fairness he went into the U.S. Army young, and that Army attitude stayed with him all these years.  After I told him about his asspennies, he looked like he wanted to throw-up, laugh, cry, and throw me out of the cab all at the same time.

So of course I would call the jar his, "asspenny jar," everytime after that.  But think about it.  If I live here in the Tampa Bay area, most of my asspennies would remain here in the area.  But a truck driver?  Well you could send your asspennies all over the country.  The lower 48 states!  Canada!  Mexico!  By the end of the decade possibly over a million people could have handled your asspennies.  And what about the asspennies that came back to you?  Maybe some of your asspennies might have spent more than one time around in your ass?  Those would truely be your asspennies from heaven.

No comments:

Post a Comment