I Am The Table

I was looking at my "On this day" feed on Facebook.  It's this neat feature where you can see your posts on this day from previous years.  I started on Facebook back in 2010 so I have five previous years I can view. 

One of my posts from 2011 confused me.  I was wondering if I was having one of those "Adrian" type moments that I am known for.  I mean, when I confuse even me I know I am out there.  I simply wrote:

Here's something for all my bourgeois headbangers, "I AM THE TABLE!!!!!!" For the rest of you, I'll explain later.

So what the hell was I thinking.  I then looked under the comments and found this:

Go to the 2:10 mark:

Then it hit me.  It's from the song "The View," by Lou Reed and Metallica.  James Hetfield just keeps repeating over and over that he is the table.  My thoughts on this back then were this:

 I couldn't do it. I just couldn't justify paying a total of $17 for the new Lou Reed/ Metallica album. James Hetfield may be the table, but I am not an idiot.

I then went on to say:

The songs I have heard sound like two albums playing at the same time. I just don't get it.

Also, why is James the table?

I would say that James owes us a heck of an explanation.  I suspect this would be his response.

I found this video and it made a lot of sense to me.  Watch it, and I think everything will be explained.

I got to thinking about it, and there are a few things that I am okay with James Hetfield being.

1.  The Master of Puppets.
2.  The Thing That Should Not Be.
3.  The Unforgiven.
4.  The Harvester of Sorrow.
5.  I would even settle for James being Some Kind of Monster.

But I just can not accept him being "The Table."

Now that it's four years later, I wonder if I can find "Lulu" in the 99 cent bin?  Then I might be able to give the entire album a proper listen.

Now that I have bitched about this song and album, I wonder what my next Metallica song that I bitch/blog about will be?

Here's a hint:

I Have Lost My Writing Edge

I have lost my writing edge.  It's true.  Where I was once pushing the envelope like Hunter S. Thompson, I now write about boring things like acquiring wood, and various projects.  One of the reasons I started this blog was to tell all the stories I had in my head.  There were things I liked to tell people, so I thought I should put them on paper.  And so I did.  Unfortunately, I think I ran out of stories. 

Another thing that happened was that more and more adults joined Facebook, and started to notice things I posted.  So I had to start censoring myself.  And I started doing it more and more.  Until one day, I started to notice that I was missing what made me funny, hence, my edge.

Here's a few examples of what I'm talking about.

I once wrote a blog, and my sister's comment about it was:  "Please God, don't let Mom ever read this."  You have to be pretty edgy to write something like that. 
"The Secret of Meatloaf."
http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2011/02/secret-of-meatloaf.html

Speaking of over the top, I could never write a blog nowadays about getting drunk, shitting on a neighbor's doorstep, and using a stray cat to wipe.  But I once did.
"Late Night Drunken Luthiery."
http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2011/02/late-night-drunken-luthiery.html

I just don't have the Adrian humor that I used to.  Here's a good example of it.
"The Headbanger and the Bob."
http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2011/12/headbanger-and-bob.html

Then there was my writing that I did when I was really angry.  When my former girlfriend unfriended me on both Myspace and Facebook on my birthday, I just cut loose.
"The Only Difference Between A Break-up And Getting Dumped Is Press Coverage"
http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2011/02/only-difference-between-break-up-and.html

I used to be at least a decent enough writer that if I ran out of ideas I would just make shit up.
"Adrian Annoys Satanists Like He Does Everyone Else"
http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2011/02/adrian-annoys-satanists-like-he-does.html

I think the best Adrian blogs are when you don't know if I am being serious or not.  I mean, if what I write makes you worried that you may be handling my asspennies, then I have done my job.
Asspennies From Heaven - An Inspirational Tale
http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2011/02/asspennies-from-heaven-inspirational.html

Sometimes I could be a bit too honest about myself.  Again, it made for an uncomfortable, yet funny blog.
"Coming Clean."
http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2011/02/coming-clean.html

Sometimes my stories were way too true about how I enjoyed thrusting my sense of humor on other people.
"Ray Perkins."
http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2011/02/ray-perkins.html

Not even my relatives were safe from my pranks.
"Sabotage! With Fish!"
http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2011/02/sabotage-with-fish.html

My Pagan/Wicca people where definitely not safe from me.
"The Blue Tent"
http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2011/02/blue-tent.html

And then there was my greatest writing, about my greatest prank, that will never be topped.
"Adrian Fakes a Spirtual Experience, Part 1."
http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2011/02/adrian-fakes-spirtual-experience-part-1.html

Part 2.
http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2011/02/adrian-fakes-spiritual-experience-part.html

So you can see where I am coming from.  I just don't feel like I write like I used to.  I was always on the edge.  Now, it just seems like I am trying to be polite, but it comes out boring.  I also seem to have run out of old stories from earlier in my life.  I'm just not sure what to do. 

We all go through changes in life.  I know a lot of ballplayers my age now have the wisdom of baseball, but not the ability of it anymore.  I feel like that is happening to me.  I also have so much over stuff going on in life.  It makes it hard to sit down, and really put time and effort into a blog post.  I'll have to really think on it, and see what I can do.

The Headbanger and the Bob

Here's a fairytale updated for the modern world.  I am writing this like I would write a kid's book.  Well, at least the best I can do on Blogspot.  Just imagine that the words and pictures go together like a kid's book.

There once was a guy named Bob.

  He was driving from Tampa to St. Petersburg so he could go to the beach over there.

While driving he saw a Headbanger thumbing a ride across the Howard Franklin Bridge.

  The Headbanger asked, "Hey man, can I get a ride across the bridge?"

The Bob then asked the Headbanger, "How do I know once we start driving across the bridge, you won't change the radio station, start headbanging, and moshing in the car?  You would distact me, and knock me around causing me to lose control of my car.  I would die."

 

The Headbanger then answered, "Dude!  I would totally die too!"

The Bob thought about it, and gave the Headbanger a ride.

Once they were halfway across the bridge the headbanger cranked up some Slayer on the car radio.  He then proceeded to start headbanging and moshing around the car.  He then smashed into the Bob causing him to lose control of the car.

As the car was in mid-flight over the rails, and ready to hit the saltwater the Bob yelled, "Why?"

The Headbanger yelled back, "Dude!  Cause it's totally in my nature!"

The moral of this story?  Don't give headbangers or equally weird people a ride in your car.  Or something like that.  I don't know.  Make of it what you want to.