WSTN

When I was younger I had a dream.  A dream to have my very own radio station.  It would not be just any rock radio station.  It would be WSTN, all Satan, all the time.  That's right, I would bring only the hardest, and awesomest death metal, grindcore metal, metal metal, etc.

Of course the main problem would not be the protesters.  No, those are always good for publicity.  It would be that blasted Clearchannel owns everything in the way of radio stations.  The FCC is not handing out any more licences since they say there are too many.  Of course, what they didn't say was that Clearchannel owns them all.

So what would we play?

Well obviously....

I would have different rock shows during the day.  Some mainstream, some punk, some unheard of stuff.  But we would always answer the phones saying this,

"Hail Satan, caller what's your name?"

Then they would say, "Dude my name is Bob, hail Satan!"

"Hail Satan Bob!"

But lets be honest, I know who 90% of the audience would be.

But what would make this job totally worth it?  Well, that would be the other 10%

Also known as "Metal Chicks."

Let's be honest, metal chicks are crazy.  But they are also crazy in bed .... and other places.  

I know the old saying, "It used to be about the music, man!!!!!"  And in the end it would have been about the music.  That is of course, if Clearchannel didn't own everything.

Here's one last really weird fact.  There really is a WSTN.  Here's the Wiki page on it, word for word.  (And I am really not making this up.)

WSTN (1410 FM) was an American radio station formerly licensed to serve Somerville, the county seat of Fayette County, Tennessee. The station was established in 1983 as "WJED", changed to "WSTN" in 1986, and since 2002 its broadcast license was held by Jimmy Swaggart's Family Worship Center Church, Inc. The station went silent on October 25, 2006.

The Headbanger and the Bob

Here's a fairytale updated for the modern world.  I am writing this like I would write a kid's book.  Well, at least the best I can do on Blogspot.  Just imagine that the words and pictures go together like a kid's book.

There once was a guy named Bob.

  He was driving from Tampa to St. Petersburg so he could go to the beach over there.

While driving he saw a Headbanger thumbing a ride across the Howard Franklin Bridge.

  The Headbanger asked, "Hey man, can I get a ride across the bridge?"

The Bob then asked the Headbanger, "How do I know once we start driving across the bridge, you won't change the radio station, start headbanging, and moshing in the car?  You would distact me, and knock me around causing me to lose control of my car.  I would die."

 

The Headbanger then answered, "Dude!  I would totally die too!"

The Bob thought about it, and gave the Headbanger a ride.

Once they were halfway across the bridge the headbanger cranked up some Slayer on the car radio.  He then proceeded to start headbanging and moshing around the car.  He then smashed into the Bob causing him to lose control of the car.

As the car was in mid-flight over the rails, and ready to hit the saltwater the Bob yelled, "Why?"

The Headbanger yelled back, "Dude!  Cause it's totally in my nature!"

The moral of this story?  Don't give headbangers or equally weird people a ride in your car.  Or something like that.  I don't know.  Make of it what you want to.