The 80's Attack! Movie Review: The Adventures of Hercules 2

So here it is.  Late night on a Sunday.  Nothing good comes is on TV when it is technically Monday at 2:00 AM.  But then, I spot something on Showtime Family.  Something that came from the 80's.  My childhood reborn.  The Adventures of Hercules staring Lou Ferrigno.  (1985.)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089271/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Adventures_of_Hercules

Here's the funny thing.  This is not the movie that I thought I remembered.  That was "Hercules."  Also staring Lou Ferrigno.  I'm not sure if I ever saw this one.  This one is much, much worse, and a lot cheesier.

Here's the highlights.

This would make a great drinking game.

Dude, was that a chick with a codpiece?

Hey, the actors lips don't line up with their mouths.

The sets look like they were designed by high school kids in their shop class.  The same goes for the costumes.  Maybe the 3rd shift in a Korean factory.

80's hair!

80's makeup!

80's boobs!!!!!  Big but natural.

The acting is worse than 70's porn, but better than 80's porn.

I know these "special effects" are cost tens of dollars back then..... but it's just hilarious today.  They are overusing the laser lights that TRON used.  Maybe they are borrowed laser effects from the 60's studio guys who did the original "Star Trek."

Seriously reduced budget from the first movie.  The guys from GWAR have better costumes.  (Honestly)

Seriously, I've got to get this on DVD, and then get a bottle of something.  This would be a great movie to drink to.  I wouldn't recommend LSD or pot because I don't believe in doing illegal drugs.  Only the legal ones.  Therefore, I would suggest some form of pain killer that you could only get from your doctor.  Then this movie would be really great.

Oh this is interesting.  Zeus, King of all Gods, is on the moon.  Yea Moon God!

They totally ripped off the "Clash of the Titans" Medusa scene.  It just wasn't as good, and that's a bit of an understatement.

So the main point of this movie is that four Gods have stolen seven lightning bolts from Zeus, and if he doesn't get them back the Moon will crash into the Earth.  Okay.

During the final fight, King Minos turns into a giant laser beam T-Rex.  Hercules turns into a giant laser beam gorilla.  Honestly, even I can't make this up.

Ooh, I can get both from Amazon for only $9.89.  I know what a bunch of people are getting me for my birthday.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00094ARU0?tag=coldfusionvideor&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=B00094ARU0&adid=1WP6VJ3Q59NTAFT3K9N1&&ref-refURL=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.coldfusionvideo.com%2Farchives%2Fadventures-of-hercules-the-1985%2F

The Headbanger and the Bob

Here's a fairytale updated for the modern world.  I am writing this like I would write a kid's book.  Well, at least the best I can do on Blogspot.  Just imagine that the words and pictures go together like a kid's book.

There once was a guy named Bob.

  He was driving from Tampa to St. Petersburg so he could go to the beach over there.

While driving he saw a Headbanger thumbing a ride across the Howard Franklin Bridge.

  The Headbanger asked, "Hey man, can I get a ride across the bridge?"

The Bob then asked the Headbanger, "How do I know once we start driving across the bridge, you won't change the radio station, start headbanging, and moshing in the car?  You would distact me, and knock me around causing me to lose control of my car.  I would die."

 

The Headbanger then answered, "Dude!  I would totally die too!"

The Bob thought about it, and gave the Headbanger a ride.

Once they were halfway across the bridge the headbanger cranked up some Slayer on the car radio.  He then proceeded to start headbanging and moshing around the car.  He then smashed into the Bob causing him to lose control of the car.

As the car was in mid-flight over the rails, and ready to hit the saltwater the Bob yelled, "Why?"

The Headbanger yelled back, "Dude!  Cause it's totally in my nature!"

The moral of this story?  Don't give headbangers or equally weird people a ride in your car.  Or something like that.  I don't know.  Make of it what you want to.