Sunday, May 10, 2020

The Swamp Prank: Playing The Long Game

Let's be honest.  I have a weird sense of humor.  It has gotten me into a bit of trouble over the years.  It has cost me friendships and really pissed a few people off.  Sometimes my humor is so off the wall that it goes over people's heads quite a bit of the time.  I was constantly doing this to Wes, one of my best pals I've had in my lifetime.  I would say something, and then five minutes later he would say, "Wait a minute...  Did you mean....?"  Yeah, I'm sneaky like that.

However, when it comes to pranks, anyone can pull off a quick prank.  Think of it as a "Three Stooges pie in your face" prank.  But it takes a genius to pull off the long game.  This is where two things come into play.  My brain and my sister.  My sister and I have been like two Rottweilers pissing on each other's legs the moment she was born.  Needless to say we've gone back and forth with insults, pranks, etc. over the course of our lifetimes.

About fifteen years ago there was a point of contention concerning where/how I mowed the yard.  We had this place in the yard where the water would flood when it rained.  So barely any grass would grow there.  She ended up planting a bunch of plants with thorns in that part of the yard.

Well, I couldn't get the lawn tractor through that part of the yard without it cutting me to shreds.  It was decided that I should skip mowing that part of the yard.  Namely, since it was swamp-like, and those bushes were trying to take root.  So I ended up calling it my "Sister's Swamp."

One day I noticed she dragged a small log over to her part of the swamp.  I asked her why she did that?  She said it was because she was attaching plants to the log.  These types of plants normally attached themselves to trees in the wild, so that's why she decided to do that.

I asked Dad about it.  I said, "Are we really just going to leave a log lying about in the yard?"  He said it wasn't hurting anything, and besides, it was in her area of the swamp.  That, of course, gave me an idea.  Since we have many enormous oak trees around us, they constantly drop limbs and branches.

So when I would find a log, limb, or branch I would just drag it over to her area of the swamp.  But I didn't do this all at once.  I would only add a branch or two once a week.  Sometimes, I would wait two weeks.  But over the course of a year I built up the swamp full of all sorts of rotted wood.

I'm not kidding.  I literally did this over a year's time.  Heck, it may have gone on for two years?  Just little by little I kept adding to the pile.  You know what?  She never noticed.  Dad would see me working out in the yard.  Of course, I would have to pick up sticks and such before I mowed the lawn.  He would see me drag wood off to the swamp, and just give me that look.

Like I said, I was in this for the long game.  But the game became so long that the brush really started to pile up.  I mean, it really looked like an overgrown forest on that side of the house.  When I returned home from work one day I had a surprise waiting for me.  I saw that Dad had pulled the utility trailer over to the side of the yard and loaded it completely full with all the brush from the swamp.  He then hauled all the brush to the dump.

So I don't know if I can say my prank was successful.  I mean, I did get under the skin of my Dad.  But that's wasn't my intended target.  But I still think it's funny that I kept the prank up for as long as I did.  That takes dedication... and a weird sense of humor.  But it mostly takes loads of dedication.

I searched all my photo albums for pictures of the swamp, but couldn't find any.  I remember snapping them long ago, but I think they ended up being lost as I switched computers over the years.  I really wish I still had those photos.  The swamp just looks hilarious and out of place.  It's like, here you have a nice house.  And over here you have this complete wildlife refuge.

Just look at it this way, when God gives you dead branches, you can put it in the yard waste containers or make a swamp.  I made a swamp.  Or possibly a wildlife management area?  But you know what else I made?  One of my top three pranks ever.  So I feel pretty good about that.

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