The Dark Side of the Pet Store

During much of my college years I worked in various pet stores.  At first it seemed like the perfect job.  I loved animals, and didn't mind the day to day hard work taking care of them.  However, life is not perfect, fair, or equal.  And not all pet shops are equal, even within chain stores. Here are pets shops' biggest lies that you don't know about.

Fish.

I recently read a George Carlin quote.  "Half the people you meet are dumb, and the other half of all people are dumber than that."  That's the truth when it comes to people who try to own fish tanks.  What ultimately made me quit working in pet shops forever was that, I figured about 80% of all the fish I sold were dead on arrival.  

One reason pet stores ask for a person to bring a water sample in is so they can prove to them that they don't know what they are doing.  Whenever I would ask someone, "How often do you clean your fish tank?"  I was met with a blank stare.  It was either, "What do you mean?" Or, "I change the filter pads once a month."  

It seems no one knew that they actually had to perform water changes.  I had one guy bring in a water sample.  The short version is this.  I would add chemical drops to the water sample.  If the water was clear it was great.  If it was pink it was acceptable.  If it was a dark pink then there was trouble.  The sample turned blood red.  I'm not kidding.  I asked him, "How are your fish still alive?"

My boss was nice enough to step in, and suggest he empty the entire tank out, and start new.  There was no way he was going to clean it up with simple water changes.  I was almost getting pretty angry.  Again, I had never seen anything like it.  

The other thing that made me angry was people always wanting to mix different types of fish with each other.  No, it doesn't work like that.  Again, you can sometimes get away with "community fish" if you have a big enough tank.  Most people don't.  And then I would have to explain that ciclids would destroy anything and everything in the tank that's not another ciclid.  

I had one woman that myself and another co-worker spent 10 minutes trying to explain that nothing can go into a tank with African ciclids besides other African ciclids.  After 10 minutes she said, "So how about I put (I think it was mollies) in with them?"  I just screamed, "No!  They will tear them apart!"  That's when I grabbed a manager to deal with her.  I was at the end of my rope.

One lady who I can only refer to as a "Nutter-Butter" was asking about fish tank lights.  I started to explain what we all learned in high school science about the light spectrum.  She had no idea what I was talking about.  She couldn't get past the "The light is white.  What do you mean light has other colors?"  Again, I had to grab a manager to deal with her.  

When she left he looked at me and half jokingly screamed, "Dude, why did you pass her off to me?  Oh man!  Never do that to me again!"  Yeah, she was dumber than two rocks fucking.  Obviously someone didn't pass high school science.  

Then there are the people who cram way too many fish into a fish tank.  One woman brought me a water sample.  It was okay, but she kept losing fish.  After about 15 minutes I asked her, "Well just how many fish do you have?"  She had 26 tetras in a 20 gallon tank.  I told her nicely that was too many, and it was stressing them out.  She didn't believe me.  

For those who have never read any of my blogs before, I know it may sound like I'm on my high horse about fish tanks.  So I will post a few photos of my personal tank from over the last 10 years or so.  That way you can see I know what I'm talking about. 

Feeder Fish.

Feeder Goldfish are already brought into the store diseased and in bad shape.  Then the tank is insanely overcrowded.  There is no possible way to clean the tank the way it should be.  But the tank never gets cleaned anyway so don't worry about that.  Most of the time the feeder goldfish are never fed because many employees figure, "What's the point?  They're just going to get eaten anyway."  I'd hate to tell you how many dead ones I'd scoop out in the morning.

The Morning Fish Tank Routine.

Then there is the fact that store employees have to take care of so many fish.  I worked at a pet shop that had 162 fish tanks.  Think about that.  Do you know how long it takes to go through the tanks, make sure everything is working, feed the fish their correct food, scoop out the dead ones, and do whatever needs done?  It takes a long time.

But as an employee you don't have a long time.  You have other animals to take care of.  What needs to be done never actually gets done.  There is never enough time or employees to take care of everything.

The Reptile Room.

In order not to scare customers reptiles usually have their own room.  But employees are people too, and half of them won't go near the reptiles.  Snakes only need to be fed once a week usually, but who is supposed to feed them?  Everyone is working different schedules so the reptiles don't get fed like they should.

Let's say you love dogs and cats right?  Who doesn't?  Well, since you now work in a pet store you have to feed everything.  That includes the scorpions and tarantulas.  Do you think you could do that on a daily basis?  I could.  That's why I always got stuck taking care of the reptile room.   

I had a great manager that made sure to purchase real vegetables for all the iguanas we had.  When that boss was fired the new boss didn't want to waste money on real food for the iguanas.  He had us feed them the dehydrated stuff from the can.  But the iguanas were used to real food and wouldn't eat the canned stuff.  So they slowly starved to death.  

Between two different pet shops that carried iguanas I'd have to say their casualties were dang near 95%.  I wondered why we even carried them at all?  Again, I saw so much death working at pet stores.  But I'm most haunted by the fish and the iguanas.  

Feeder Mice and Rats.

Did you know that if you don't keep enough water in a feeder mice cage they will tear each other from limb to limb?  We would fill the water bottles every day, but every once in a while one would break.  When that would happen the mice/rats would go zombie apocalypse on each other.  

Hamsters and Gerbils.

I don't understand why these creatures are considered "pets?"  Hamsters will bite the living snot out of you.  Gerbils will just do their best to escape and die in a corner of the house.  Why they are given to small children I have no idea.  Here are some of the lowlights I've had dealing with hamsters and gerbils.

I sold a family a hamster.  Two hours later they show back up with a dead hamster.  I didn't ask any questions.  I didn't make a face or say anything.  Hell, I didn't even mess with the cash register.  I just grabbed another hamster, tossed it in a box, and gave it to them.  

Since they are rodents, they breed like crazy.  When a female hamster has babies the other hamsters will tear them limb from limb.  In terms of nature it doesn't seem to make sense, but hey, such is life in a pet store.  Oh, and no I don't plan on showing that photo on this blog.  I'm sure it would violate multiple terms of service here on Blogger.

Crickets.

You have to feed all those reptiles right?  What better way to feed them any with annoying insects who make a shitload of noise and smell awful.  1,000 of them would be delivered in a crate.  So you had to carefully take the crate apart over your giant in house cricket box.

Of course, in any pet store crickets get all over the place.  I mean, they get everywhere.  If you see a loose one you have to kill it.  You don't want to feed it to any of the reptiles in case the cricket wandered into poison.  So even if you don't deal with the reptile room you still have to deal with bugs.  Lots and lots of bugs.

Birds.

Truly the bane of my existence at pet shops were the birds.  In all fairness we received them when they were still babies.  They needed to be raised by their parents longer.  The one store that had 162 fish tanks also had over 300 birds.  At least 50 of them were big birds in cages.  They were not happy about being there, and had no problems taking your fingers off.  

Birds were meant to fly free in the outdoors.  They are not a caged pet.  They never will be.  Of all the animals in the pet shop, I always thought that birds should not be there.  Most are just too feral to actually be a pet.  I know a lot of people will disagree with me, but again, I had to feed/take care of 300 birds in a short time before the store opened.  

Ferrets.

It's a weasel.  Just no.  They were a hot item back when "Kindergarten Cop" came out, but their popularity has weened since then.  They require a lot of special care or else they flat out die.  

Rabbits and Guinea Pigs.

They are classic pets.  I know they get bought for kids, and kids end up treating them like a toy.  Eventually kids get tired of "the toy", and then Mommy and Daddy have to decide what to do with their pet.  A lot of times it doesn't end well.  

Dogs.

I worked at one pet shop that sold pure bred dogs.  That wasn't such a big deal in 1996, but today animal rights folks are clamping down.  The owners of that pet shop were fairly good people.  I had my disagreements with them, but I think overall they meant well.  

They actually traveled to the breeders they bought the dogs from to inspect the place.  The dogs came from two different places.  I remember one of them being out in Kansas.  But no matter how nice a place a breeder might be running, the animals are only there for one purpose.  That's to spit out litter after litter.  I don't know what kind of life that is for a dog.  

I looked over most of the pure bred papers for the dogs.  The problem I noticed, was that, so many were inbred.  They would have the same Grandmother or Grandfather on both sides of the family.  The small poofy, poodle-like dogs were all dumb as rocks.  Again, they were bred for looks and not smarts.  

Cats.

Honestly, I never saw the difference between a pure bred cat and a cat that could be adopted from a shelter.  They were all, well, just cats.  Cats have their own personality despite what breed they are.  The biggest problem I had with customers, was that, they would buy the smallest cutest kitten despite it's personality.  

We had one cat at the store who was there for nine months.  He was already big when he came in, so he wasn't "cute."  I named him, "Bob.  Bob the Cat."  I taught him to ride around on my shoulder while I walked around the store.  He was that cool.  I was actually able to teach Bob a few tricks.  I really liked him.  But he was a Persian cat with long black hair that would make me sneeze.  He did go to a nice home.  I didn't sell him, but I was there when he was finally sold.

Customers.

I had a boss once tell me, "The customer is always right!"  I've dealt with customers for many years, and you know what?  Most of the time they don't know what they are talking about.  Do you know the worst type of customer we had at pet stores?  I bet you wouldn't even think of this.

We would receive a frantic phone call from someone saying, "My pet is sick!  Can you tell me what to do?"  I would then try to explain that I am not a veterinarian, and they should take their pet to one.  Guess what was said to me after that?  It usually wasn't anything too nice.

Here's the story that still sticks out in my mind.  This woman was a Karen.  A complete and total Karen.  This was before the term Karen became popular, but looking back she was one.  I was in the middle of helping a customer when she half swings/half slams the front door open.  She started screaming that, "Her son's rabbit was sick and she needed help!!!"

I went over to try to help her.  The rabbit wasn't moving.  It looked dead to me.  I picked it up, and it continued not to move.  After a minute or so it jerked like it was in the middle of a death rattle.  I looked it over and couldn't find an injury. 

It was then I pushed it's lips apart to look at it's teeth.  The teeth were so long they wouldn't let the rabbit eat.  I immediately yelled something at her.  I can't remember what.  But I said, "This rabbit hasn't had anything to chew on has it?  Didn't you have a wood block for it to chew on?  It needs to work its teeth down!  This rabbit is starved!"  

She then said something like, "The rabbit was in her 5 year old son's room.  She hadn't been watching it."  My immediate thought was, "You son probably can't even wipe his own ass, and you are putting him in control of a rabbit?  What kind of mother are you?"  

I told the woman I wasn't a vet.  She needed to take the rabbit to the vet.  I know she wasn't going to do that.  I knew that was one dead rabbit.  She left in a huff.  But seriously, what kind of people say, "My pet is sick!  I know!  I'll call the pet store!"  

The Pet Store Workers.

I do want to say some of the best human beings I've ever met in my life have worked in pet stores.  They gave so much for so little.  They (including me) were completely underpaid, overworked, and treated like crap from the corporate office.  I still can't go into a Pet Supermarket unless I need a special kind of fish medicine.  I'm still horrified by how we were treated.

Stocking.

It's not all about animal care.  You have to move product.  Or more specifically, if the store doesn't move product the manager is fired, and a more cut throat manager takes his or her place.  That store has to move some serious dog and cat food.  The big dog food bags are 20 or 40 pounds a piece.  The 5 pound bags come grouped in sets of 8 or 10 meaning the combined bag will weigh 40 or 50 pounds.

The truck delivers the stock weekly.  If you sell 100 bags of 40 pound dog food that is 4,000 pounds of dog food that need to be rotated and stocked.  Then you have to do the same for all the 20 pound bags.  Guess what?  The cat food bags are next.  Everything needs to be stocked by the end of the day.

You might end up moving 10,000 pounds of combined dog and cat food that day.  Oh, and because you are in a hurry you grab two 40 pounders at a time.  When moving the 20 pound bags you move three at a time.  How many times can you lift 80 or 60 pounds repeatedly?

Don't forget this.  What goes in must come out.  Kitty litter boxes come in 20, 30, and 40 pound boxes.  Are you able to grab a 40 pounder in each hand off the pallet, carry it over to where it needs to be stocked, and then do that repeatedly?  I worked with a lot of women during my time at pet stores, but the ones who were 120 pounds didn't last.  In all fairness, trying to repeatedly life 2/3rd of your body weight is pretty much impossible for anyone.  

Conclusion.

I had a friend whose parents were veterinarians.  He said if you loved animals never become a vet.  He didn't know how many cats he had put down in his life.  Again, the numbers just seemed to weigh on his shoulders.  That's exactly how I felt working at pet stores.  Day in and day out the death toll was jus too heavy for my shoulders.

I realize that most employees who work in pet stores today are just like I was years ago.  Back then, I was in college.  Things were looking up.  I looked forward to working at a pet store.  But then, reality hit.  For those persons who want to put in an application at a pet store, please heed my warnings.  It's like combining the hard labor of working on a farm with being a customer service representative.

The hours are long and hard.  You are usually covered in pee, poo, and or fish tank water at the end of the day.  Your knuckles and fingers are bleeding due to being bitten by birds and rodents.  You don't get paid squat because the boss receives 100 applications a week from people that "Just love animals!"

Do I even have to mention the kinds of customers you get?  Sure you'll get the nice old lady with the miniature poodle, but you'll also deal with all sorts of weirdness.  Just think about it before you consider working at a pet shop.  You'll be glad you did.