A Dog And His Boy

One of the reasons I started this blog so many years ago was not only to tell tales of destruction for fun and profit, but to write down all the stories I've collected.  After 600 blog posts I've told quite a number of my stories, so I thought it was time to write one about someone else.  Namely, my Father.

It was the summer of 1957.  My Dad was almost ready to turn eight years old.  He lived in the backwoods of West Virginia, so with the exception of automobiles and a black and white television, life still closely resembled 1857 in some ways.  I can hear his voice saying, "Come on, it wasn't that bad!"

There aren't many pictures of my Dad from that age, and the ones that exist are in rough shape.  But the first time I saw a photograph of my Father from that age I immediately said, "You look exactly like Timmy from Lassie!"

As was the norm back in those days my family had rabbit hunting dogs, namely beagles.  Now my Dad was not allowed to hunt until he was sixteen, but he did take care of the dogs as well as other duties on the farm.  So even though he hadn't quite turned eight years old, the duty to build a doghouse for his dog Penny fell to him.

You have to remember the times.  My Dad didn't have access to power tools.  If he wanted to cut a 2X4 he had to cut it with a handsaw.  If he wanted to hold the wood together he had to either drive a nail with a hammer, or use a screwdriver to run the screw through the wood.  He didn't have a power drill to do the hard work. 

My Grandfather had access to a lot of scrap wood from whatever carpentry project he was working on at the time (namely houses and bridges.) That meant my Dad didn't have to chop down a tree or anything like that. But when it came to the actual work, my Dad put it all together with old timey hand work.

Just for comparison, if you know a seven year old (going on eight,) ask what have they done lately? Does it involve playing Pokémon? Does it involve watching TV? Or have they performed any old time carpentry lately?
So Dad finished building the doghouse for Penny.  He was proud of his hard work.  But dogs and especially beagles are finicky creatures.  Remember how Snoopy liked to sleep on top of his doghouse?

Well, Penny decided to dig a hole underneath the doghouse and sleep there.

That's right.  She completely avoided the nice living space that Dad had built, and dug right underneath the doghouse to create a little den.  Penny must have thought she had a little wolf in her.  Honestly though, if you've never encountered a hunting dog, they are a bit different than a house dog.  They have a bit more attitude and aggression than your cocker spaniel house dog.  

Most people, especially kids, would have been discouraged or mad.  But that's never really been my Dad's style.  He just had to laugh about it, and realized a beagle is going to do what a beagle wants to do.  If Penny wanted to sleep in her little den beneath the doghouse then he figured she had made up her mind to do so.  Nothing he could do would change that. 

Also, could you get mad at a face like this?

Nah, didn't think so.

A Dog Wants What He Wants

This is a funny little story.  I'm not sure why I didn't write about it when it happened a few years ago, but I guess as time goes on, certain things stand out. 

So my then girlfriend at the time, Lili, had a service dog named "Monster."  Actually, his full name was Cookie Monster "Muddy" Fourpaws.  Here's two pictures of him.

When we were first dating, Lili came over to my place and we made popcorn.  She said that Monster liked to eat popcorn.  I thought, "really?"  I didn't know if dogs should eat it or not.  But she said it was okay.  So I get a pie plate and put the popcorn on it for him, and put the plate in his food spot.

He sniffed it, and looked at me.  Then he looked at Lili.  I said, "I thought you said he liked popcorn?" 

Lili said, "Well, did you put salt and butter on it?" 

I said, "No of course not."

To which she said, "Well you have to put salt and butter on it."

I thought about that for a minute, and then said, "okay."

Well, I put salt and butter on Monster's popcorn, and put the pie plate back at his place.  He then sniffed it, and started eating it.  I guess a dog knows what he wants.

Cat Craziness Explained

Before I start, I have to admit that I did not discover the truth about cat craziness myself.  I learned it from Adam Corolla when he was on Loveline.  I just want to explain it to younger and further generations so they can understand it. 

When dealing with cat owners you have to come to the realization that they are a certain degree of crazy.  I mean, why would you deal with this?

So here's the math behind cat craziness.  Basically you have to get exponential on the craziness instead of adding it.  For instance:

1 Cat = 1.  So your level of crazy is 1.

2 Cats = 2X2=4.  So with two cats your level of crazy has gone to 4.

3 Cats =  3X3X3=27.  Once you hit three cats you can see the level of crazy is starting to really go up.  27 is a lot of craziness.

4 Cats = 4X4X4X4=256.  At this point it is impossible to have a normal conversation with someone who has reached that level of crazy.

Basically, if you have that many cats, you are kind of doing this:

But the other question I get is, "What about dogs?"

Well, basically it boils down to this.  Dogs are cool.  There's no level of dog craziness.  Yeah, dogs are cool.

Doggie

Long story short, I made a video for my friend Josh.  He has a song I've always liked called "Doggie."  So I "borrowed" my girlfriend's (and kinda mine) dog Monster. 

It was something that I enjoyed doing.  It's a fun creative process.  It just takes a while to learn all the features of the video maker.  But enough talk.  Let's go right to the video.  And one more thing.  You can find Josh's music page on Facebook.  Just look up Josh Paul in Tampa, Fl.

I hope you enjoyed it.  Take care.

Adrian: Amateur Handyman

To understand this post you might want to read these blogs first.

Adrian: Amateur Gardener
http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2013/03/adrian-amateur-gardener.html

Adrian: Amateur Gardener, Part 2
http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2013/03/adrian-amateur-gardener-part-2.html


It all started with a Girlfriend, Lyli (not her real name.)  And then it continued when she made a much needed move into a new place.  It seems the previous tenants did their best to destroy the place she moved into.  So the landlords (an old man and his sons) have been doing their best to repair and restore the house as quickly as they can.  But Lyli wants to put a few add-ons to the house. 

That's where I come in.  I can repair a guitar, and do fine work, but can I do house repairs?  Well, it's either put up or shut up, and I'm gonna put up.  It's time for me to become Mr. Do it all handyman.  It's kind of like being a husband with a honey-do list, except for the marriage part.  Luckily I have taken pictures of everything.  And what's a blog without big ole pictures?

First up was building the plant beds.  The pictures from that can be seen in the two blogs I posted at the top of the page.

Next up was laying patio bricks.  Lyli wanted them in a checkerboard (red and white) pattern.  So first we had to clean out the back of her Ford Explorer, and then make the trip to Home Depot.  However, we couldn't fit 136 bricks in the back of her truck.  We could only get 80.  Which lead to the interesting thought about moving really heavy patio bricks. 

1.  You move them from the shelf to the cart.  2.  You move them again from the cart to the truck.  3.  Then you move them yet again from the truck to the ground.  Now these things weigh a ton.  Or at least 800 pounds, from the best I can figure.  Seriously, 80 bricks time 10 pound a piece?  That's 800 pounds.  You should have seen how the Explorer was sitting low.

But after all my moving the front looked like this:

And even the dog enjoys it.

Now obviously, you can see where some tiles still need to go.  But I definitely know that the other 56 needed tiles would not fit in the truck.  With that much weight in it, it might have been scraping the ground.  But I'm happy with it so far.  I get the rest finished up on the next trip to Home Depot.  And hey!  I'll get another blog out of it.

Next up was the missing railing.  I think the house had it before, but it might have rotted or been trashed by the previous tenants.  So here's the before pic.

As you can see, no rails.  But I did something about it.  Here's the after picture.

As you can see, I added the wood (the wood without paint on it) support and rails.  I added the top beam so that Lyli can hang wind chimes from it.  Here's a better view of it.

As you can see, I already added the nails into the wood to hang stuff.  That way I don't have to do it later.  I like thinking ahead like that.

So next up is the planting.  Now that I have the garden beds built it was time to add some plants next to the bromeliads.  Here's the before picture.

And here's the plants we bought.  Note:  We were able to buy these from a number of vendors at the flea market as well as Home Depot.

So I was working with very little daylight when I started planting them.  I wanted to finish before it was dark so I could take pictures.  Luckily, the camera I was using has a really strong flash.  So if these pictures look a little odd, it's because it was almost dark when I took them.

So that's where I am so far.  Here's the future projects I will be attempting over the next few weeks.  1.  I will complete the brick patio.  2.  Primer and paint will be added to the front door, steps, and ramp.  (It will be an awesome shade of red.)  3.  Rails will be added to the back steps.  4.  Then the back porch will be primed and painted.  5.  Then the painting will be moved inside.  The kitchen needs painted.  And yes, it will be red.  6.  Then the trellises need to be replaced, and Lyli wants them painted as well.  7.  Once summer comes around I may start to plant more plant beds. 

The good news is that this will give me plenty of blogs to write about.  I feel that I have been slacking lately on writing my blogs.  But more importantly, Lyli is really appreciative of the repairs I have been making. 

On a funny note, I told her that she should ask for a discount on her rent for all the repairs she's having done.  It couldn't hurt to ask could it?

Adrian: Amateur Gardener

So I have something new in my life.  That would be a girlfriend.  I think it's as big of a surprise to me as it is to everyone else.  And then to add to the surprises she moved only three miles from me.  I couldn't really blame her as her old place was not very nice.  It was also in a not so nice section of a town that was far away from both her work and favorite hangout. 

She is renting a mobile home that sits on a 1/3 of an acre of property.  She really wanted it for her dog who needs some space to run around.  He's a little over two years old, but he still acts like a puppy.  So this place works out really good for both of them, as she doesn't have to put up with apartment type neighbors and he gets to run around and exercise.

The people who rented before her did their best to destroy the place.  That's what the landlord flat out told us.  He was more than happy to rent to my girlfriend in that, she expressed an interest in rebuilding the place inside and out.  She talked to him about adding plants to the place, as it is kind of sparse.  He was all in favor of that, and told her she could do whatever she wanted as far as plants were concerned.

And this is where I come in.  I am good at manual labor, but I have to admit that I am an amateur gardener.  The only gardening that I have been successful at it online playing Wizard 101.

So I was told to come up with a plan.  I have given it a lot of thought, and have come up with four spots to start off with. 

First I have to contend with what is available.  There is a lot of land, but due to the heavy cover of oak trees it is mostly a barren sandlot.

That's okay.  I will just have to get creative.  I was thinking of running/building a wooden fence along the front of the house. 

My girlfriend knows someone who knows someone, and can get me some leftover two by fours.  It may look a little odd until I slap some paint on it.  Then it will start to look spiffy. 

I was thinking about planting some giant bromeliads behind the fence/ in front of the house.  Those things will grow in anything down here in Florida.

Next to them/ around them would be a good place to start growing some Aloe Vera plants.  My girlfriend has always had them, and they are really useful to have around.

 

 

Then to spice up the color a little I would add some of those small floppy ear type plants.  I'll admit, I have no idea what the different ones of them are called.  But I do have a bunch of plant people I know who can tell me what they are.  All I have to do is show them this picture.

 



So that's what I am thinking for the front.  When I say from the front, I mean from the house door and going left.  That's the longest part of the house.  From the door going right is a nice small spot.  However I think I have an idea.  I am thinking of doing a raised bed.  There are a couple ways to do this.  The first is kind of simple and involves using concrete blocks.  It looks like this.

That's simple enough, and won't take much time to put together.  Then there's the other way.  It involves using red bricks.  It would be a bit more expensive, and take more time to put together, but it would look sweet.

 

Okay, that takes care of the front.  I was thinking of using the front for the decorative plants.  However, the one thing my girlfriend really wants is a herb garden.  There could be a few vegetables thrown in there, but mainly for herbs.

 



However due to having a dog it would need to be fenced in.  I do like this type of fencing.

But I have to be honest, the dog is really, really good at jumping.  He's also really good at building up speed and jumping.  So that kind of fence isn't going to stop him.  I was thinking of putting up the wooden type fence that would match the front fence, and then stapling chicken wire to it.

The next step involves planting tomatoes.  As you look at the property, the very front right corner has a lot of sunlight hitting it.  It's the only place where grass grows on the property.  I thinking about setting up a raised bed strictly for tomato plants.

The plant would be able to get a fair amount of sunlight there.  Not too much, not too little.  And the good news about Florida is that, we get crazy amounts of rain all year long.  And anytime tomatoes get rain, they grow till they want to explode. 

So that's the four main ideas I have for garden beds.  I don't think I would be overdoing it.  I am trying to stick with plants that are native and not hard to raise.  I am lucky in that, I have a lot of people around me who know the ins and outs of plants.  I may not know much about plants, but I am good for the manual labor.  With those things combined, I feel that this garden will be a success.

Hunting Season 2012: Story 2, Hoggin It Up

Here's the first story of the Hunting Season 2012 series:
http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2012/12/hunting-season-2012-story-1-gator.html

Let me continue with my original story.  We (Me, Dad, and the Weasel) had gone hunting later in the year due to Dad injuring his back.  So we only had two travel days (one up, one back) and three hunting days.

It was the third day of hunting when our friend The Weasel (pronounced like Grease-el) asked if he could hunt out of my tree.  This story goes back 17 years, but I will give the short version.  Basically, I found this hunting spot, and marked a certain tree that I put my treestand in.  I shot my one and only deer out of it.  A few years later during a year I couldn't go hunting, The Weasel sat in my tree, and shot a hog.  Ever since then he has claimed that there is some debate as to who found the tree.  His memory is complete shit, and every blasted year I have to tell him the long story on why that is my hunting spot, and not his.

So he asks me if he can hunt out of my tree.  Since it is the last day, and none of us has seen a thing I say, "Sure.  Go for it."  When we get out there, he gets out of the truck super early, and gets out to the tree to set up his tree stand.  Dad and I take our time, and leave the truck a few minutes after The Weasel. 

We start by walking down the road called Spur 4.  My usual routine is to walk about 80 yards down Spur 4, and then walk back into the woods about 200 yards.  There's a nice place where a few game trails come together.  That's where my tree is.  However, since The Weasel is in my tree, Dad and I decide to walk down Spur 4 to see if we can come across some good woods.

We were about 220 yards, and/or four minutes down Spur 4 when I hear some noise at about 7:10 AM.  I say to Dad, "Did you hear that?'

He said, "No."  And then a lot more noise came from the bushes.

I asked, "Did you hear that?"

He said, "Yes!"

I then put my shotgun up, and pointed down the trail.  It was then that a pack of hogs started running across the road.  I shot twice in quick secession.  I tried to shoot a third time, but my gun jammed.  As I was unjamming it, I heard a squeal.

I told Dad, "My gun jammed, you go on ahead."

At this point Dad put down his treestand, and walked on ahead.  I worked on clearing my gun, and reloading.  He walks up to where the hogs crossed, looked down and saw the hog I had shot.  It was still moving so he put a kill shot in its head. 

I caught up to him, and we both agreed that there were about 7 hogs in the group.  I shot twice, and thought I had hit two.  However, I did not hit the hog I was aiming at, I hit the hog behind it.  And it was a small hog.  To be honest, it was so small that a few years ago it would have been illegal.  But since hogs are an invasive species and breed like crazy, the rules were changed that there was no size limit and no number of game limit put on them.  So basically you can shoot all the hogs you want during hunting season.

I told Dad, "I think I hit two.  We should get some of the dog hunters down here to see if one of their dogs can track down that hog.  Dad walked back into the woods to see if he could spot a blood trail or a downed hog, but he couldn't find either.  I marked the spot on the trail where the hogs had crossed with a orange ribbon.

So we grabbed our stuff and the hog.  I counted how many steps I was when I shot, and it was 65 steps.  My steps are pretty close to a yard so you can call it 65 yards.  Once we made it back to the truck we flagged down some dog hunters down the main road. 

The dog hunters we ran into were pretty nice.  They had a couple of trucks and quite a number of dogs.  The one guy told me that he had "hog dogs" and he had "deer dogs."  He wanted to get his son over with the other truck to get the hog dogs.  His son was also really nice.  I jumped in one of the trucks and they both went down Spur 4.  When we pulled up the ribbon, I showed them the blood pile where the small hog had fallen, and Dad had put a bullet in it.

The deer dog hounds started whimpering and going nuts.  They could smell that much blood not 7 yards from them.  But the dog hunter got out a red nose pit bull, and a black pit bull mix.  He set them on the trail and had them search the woods.  They ran around, but couldn't find anything.  So it seemed that I only hit one of the hogs, and not the one I was aiming at. 

So they went back to following where the hogs might have run to, and Dad and I went back to the truck to put our stuff away, and get some stuff out.  We needed to get out all the animal cleaning stuff.  But before we did that, we took some pictures and video.

Here's a picture of the hog:

And here's a picture to get a better idea of it's size:

I know, it's tiny.  But the one I was aiming at was so much bigger.  Anyway, here's the story in my own words, and my own choice of editing:

We then started laughing about how The Weasel was sitting in my tree.  As my story stated earlier, every year he wants to try to sit in my tree.  And when I finally say, "Sure thing, take my tree," I'm the one who ends up shooting the hog.

It was then that Dad and I had this conversation:

Dad and I then got to work on cleaning the hog.  It's funny, after watching "The Walking Dead" cleaning a hog isn't so bad.  We put it's feet up on some branches, and cleaned/skinned it out.  Since we were doing this right off a main road not far from the check station, we had people driving by us.  It was funny how they would be going way too fast, see the hog and let off the gas, and then slam on the brakes.  One guy even backed up, and hollared at us.  He was happy we got something.  So then, we put the hog, which was a sal by the way, in the cooler, and threw some ice on it.

At this point The Weasel had not come out of the woods despite three loud gunshots, multiple trucks going up and down the road, and a few dogs making all sorts of racket.  He said he could stay in the woods until 10:30 AM, and be back to the truck at 11;00 AM, and by golly he was not kidding.

Since it was still only 9:30 or so, Dad and I took a stroll down Spur 4.  After all, we still did have time to hunt that evening.  So we did what we were originally going to do, scout the woods and find a place to hunt.  We see some great woods down the road.  It's funny.  All these years I have always gone to my tree, but never all the way Spur 4.  There were a great number of places to hunt down there.  So after an hour of walking around Dad and I made it back to the truck. 

Some of the dog guys stopped by again to chit chat.  I'll admit, I was having a tough time understanding their "country accent."  But Dad is from West Virginia, and understood every word the guys said.  It was then that The Weasel got back.  He excitedly told us that he saw two very small does in the woods. 

The dog hunter drove off, and that's when I took this video of The Weasel:

He has a habit of getting all excited, and telling us what he saw, and forgetting to ask us if we saw anything.

So we then went down near the ocean to have lunch.  Hickory Mound is right on the water, and the area near the ocean is beautiful in its own way. 

So that evening Dad and I are planning on going back to Spur 4, but the strangest thing happens.  The Weasel wants to hunt this completely different area.  Since it is the last hunt of the last day, we say okay.  After all, I'd already gotten my game.  It's only fair to give him a chance to hunt where he wants to.  Even if that is right after I gave him the opportunity to hunt right out of my tree that very morning. 

Affirmation Retriever

I want a dog.  But not just any dog.  I want an Affirmation Retriever. What's that you ask?  Well, it's a dog that hasn't been invented yet.  I was thinking about all the things I look for in a dog, and no dog was completely perfect.  So I thought I should do some selective breeding, and come up with a new breed of dog, the Affirmation Retriever.

First up, a lot of you may ask "Why a dog?  A cat can be just as good."  For that I will answer this, a cat can be kind of angry.

They also just seem like they want to kill me in some way.

So let's start off with a Golden Lab.

Make it a little more family friendly.

Next, let's add some honest beagle to the mix.

I want a dog that's going to be right there to reaffrim how great it is to see me.  I want him right up in my face.

I basically want a happy dog.

But I also want a silly dog.

I want a dog that will also get mad when another team scores on the Buccaneers.

And of course, one that won't steal my food.

And I need a dog that won't tell anyone about me or my friends bad habits.

I want a dog that I can dress up for the fun of it.

I want a dog that will take me places I've never been.

But the main point is that I want an Affirmation Retriever.  I want a dog that will think I'm the center of the universe, and reaffirm that I am great no matter what crap life throws at me.

That's the kind of dog I need.