Cat Craziness Explained: Part 2: Big Cat Craziness

Back in 2014 I wrote this blog post:

Cat Craziness Explained 

Adam Corolla explained what "Cat Craziness" was.  The short version, is that, Adam had a chart to measure how crazy a person was by the number of cats they kept.  He said it wasn't as simple as one cat plus another cat equaled a level of two cat craziness.

No.  Cat craziness was exponential.  Here's a chart to help.

1 Cat = 1 CC.
2 Cats = 2 to the second power (2 X 2) which = 4CC.
3 Cats = 3 to the third power (3 X 3 X 3) which = 27CC.

As you can see, the more cats you have the faster it goes up.  Anything beyond two cats is starting to border on cat craziness.  A month ago comes this show on Netflix called "Tiger King."  Yeah, we've all heard about it.  We've all watched it whether you admit to it or not.

As I was watching "Tiger King" I kept thinking to myself, "What level of cat craziness are you to work around any big cat?  Yeah, you may have a fat housecat at home.  But honestly, what does it top out at?  30 pounds?  Do you know the stats of a Bengal Tiger?

The male tigers can reach a length of 10 feet and a weight of 550 pounds.  Let's stop right there.  That's one hell of an apex predator twice the size of a human.

I realized keeping full grown big cats (tigers, lions, etc.) was a whole new level of craziness.  It now occurred to me I needed to make a few adjustments to my math.  If you are keeping even one tiger the cat craziness level has to start at 100CC per big cat.

But let's talk about Joe Exotic.  He said several times during "Tiger King" he had 277 big cats at his zoo.  Again, that's not 100 X 277 = 27,700CC.  No.  It has to be exponential.  That means 100 to the 277th power.  Let's do that math on that.

      277 (exponent)
100 (base)                 = 1e+554

So you are wondering, "What the hell does that mean?" That's okay because I was wondering, "What the hell does that mean?"

Here's the best explanation:

https://www.mathsisfun.com/numbers/e-eulers-number.html

Okay, I'm not going to pretend that I can come up with a number that gigantic.  Let's just say it's a one with more zeros than I know what to do with on this page.

This reinforces my point that when you start messing with big cats the cat craziness is literally off the charts.  Just watch "Tiger King."  Any and every one of the zoo owners are nuttier than squirrel poo.  I mean, who knew it only took meth and tigers to turn straight boys gay?

So before I go I suggest we all just stick with dogs or fish.  I think they're the pets that keep us the most grounded.  I can't deal with housecats, and there's no way I'm going anywhere near a full grown tiger.  Let's just all have one dog, or one fish tank and call it a day.

And I can't end this post without this song.  Because this song says everything we were all thinking.

Cat Craziness Explained

Before I start, I have to admit that I did not discover the truth about cat craziness myself.  I learned it from Adam Corolla when he was on Loveline.  I just want to explain it to younger and further generations so they can understand it. 

When dealing with cat owners you have to come to the realization that they are a certain degree of crazy.  I mean, why would you deal with this?

So here's the math behind cat craziness.  Basically you have to get exponential on the craziness instead of adding it.  For instance:

1 Cat = 1.  So your level of crazy is 1.

2 Cats = 2X2=4.  So with two cats your level of crazy has gone to 4.

3 Cats =  3X3X3=27.  Once you hit three cats you can see the level of crazy is starting to really go up.  27 is a lot of craziness.

4 Cats = 4X4X4X4=256.  At this point it is impossible to have a normal conversation with someone who has reached that level of crazy.

Basically, if you have that many cats, you are kind of doing this:

But the other question I get is, "What about dogs?"

Well, basically it boils down to this.  Dogs are cool.  There's no level of dog craziness.  Yeah, dogs are cool.