The Dumbest Halloween Costume

Let me take you back to my childhood.  It was either 1984 or 1985, I can't quite remember.  This was before the internet.  Heck, it was before most of my neighborhood had basic cable.  It was a period in time where AM/FM radio was just as important as television.

I have written before that I was not allowed to go trick or treating during my childhood.  In fact, here is the original post:

How a Few Jackholes Ruined Halloween For My Entire Childhood

However, the day care that I attended held it's own Halloween party where we (the kids at the day care) were allowed to dress up.  They would give us candy, and Mr. Betsch, the co-owner, would take us for tractor rides around the property.  We would also get to march around the property while dressed up.

They were really nice and caring when it came to taking care of the kids.  They threw a lot of special events.  I really looked forward to this since it was pretty much the only Halloween I got.  It's also where I received most of my candy for the Halloween season.  Not that I needed that much candy.  I was a touch overweight as a kid.

So when it came to dressing up for Halloween I was pretty terrible at it.  I didn't have the experience, and in the 80's store bought costumes pretty much sucked.  A few years ago I remember one guy had an Angelfire or GeoCities website with old photos of vintage costumes.  I was glad to see I remembered it correctly.  They were just awful.

So in 1984 or 1985 I was trying to think of a Halloween costume.  I was also trying to work with what I had, which wasn't much.  I remember thinking how much I liked music.  So did I dress up as Bruce Springsteen, "Born in the USA," era?  Maybe Sting from "The Police?"  No, remember we still didn't have basic cable, so I didn't know what any of those guys looked like.  But you know which music icon I was familiar with?  Famous Top 40 DJ Casey Kasem.

That's right, Casey Kasem.  There's always been a joke that DJ's have the perfect face for radio.  In other words, no one actually knows what they look like.  That leads to the question, "How does one dress like Casey Kasem?"  The one thing I knew was that he liked wearing sweaters. 

Lot's of sweaters.

Plenty of sweaters.

Very colorful sweaters.

You could say he might have raided Bill Cosby's closet he liked sweaters so much.

So I wore a button up shirt, attached a clip on tie, and pulled on a sweater.  Perfect Casey right?  Except I should have worn a name tag.  Why?  Because no one had a clue who I was dressing up as.  I could have been a college professor.  I could have been, well... so many things.

I have to say I did not think that one through.  I try not to be too hard on myself since I was nine or ten, but why would anyone recognize me?  Casey was on the radio.  It's not like many of the kids knew what he looked like.  In fact, I doubt any of them had any idea what Casey looked like.  

I really could have done better.  But it's not like I ever went costume shopping.  Why would I?  I wasn't exactly going trick or treating around the neighborhood.  So, I did the best I could, but it was still pretty awful.  I guess that's life.  That's also life experience.  

It reminds me of one of my favorite sayings.  "Good judgement comes from experience.  Experience comes from bad judgement."  

Falling in Autumn

I decided to paint a "Fall' painting.  I also decided to paint it Bob Ross style.  Really fast, and lots of paint.  I'm still undecided on it.

The first picture is with a flash.  The second one is without one.

There are things I like about it, but I think by getting in a hurry I put paint where paint didn't need to be.  I know you are supposed to look at paintings at least 10 feet away, so looking at them on the computer kind of defeats that point. 

I don't know.  I was happy with it, but the more I look at it, the more I am unhappy with it.  Maybe I should add some more paint overtop of other paint? 

This reminds me of a previous blog I wrote called, "I am a terrible painter."

http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2012/03/i-am-terrible-painter.html

That was followed by, "I am a terrible painter, part 2."

http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2012/04/i-am-terrible-painter-part-2.html

Of all the funny things that was followed by, "I am a sloppy painter?"

http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2013/03/i-am-sloppy-painter.html

I guess the main point I was making is that, I am really bad at painting.  I'll have to think on which direction to go with this painting, even thought it is technically "finished."

The Boy Who Walked Into A Tornado, And Came Out An Idiot

... A story from my youth.

Dr. House said it best when he said, "Everyone lies."  Well, everyone does lie, but kids are the worst at it.  I don't know if it's that their brains aren't working at 100% capacity, or if they think it's part of being imaginative.  Either way, kids lie...badly.

Then there are the kids who take it to the next level.  They continue to lie even when everyone knows they're an idiot, and no one is believing them.  This is a story about one of those kids.  I can't even remember this kid's name.  I can't even remember what he looks like.  But I remember the complete train-wreck of a conversation I had with him.

It started with a tornado.

Actually it started with a bunch of us, some 10 year old kids, talking about some recent tornados that had hit the mid-west.  It had been all over the news since they had done a bunch of damage to homes.  I remember how Tom Brokaw talked about the wind speeds would blow even harder than the hurricanes that hit us here in Florida.  The wind speeds could get up to 200 MPH, thus destroying anything in their path.

So this kid, I'll call him "Lil' Timmy," says that he's been inside a tornado.  Well, you can imagine what a ruckus this caused for a bunch of 10 year olds.  No one argues a subject to a well beaten, well rotted, dead horse like a group of 10 year olds. 

So Lil' Timmy goes on that he just walked up to the tornado, and while the winds were bad, once you got inside the tornado it was just fine.  There were no winds, and everything was peaceful once you got inside of the tornado.  So not only was he saying that he walked up to a tornado, he was saying that he walked inside of it, and it was totally chill.  He just sat back, relaxed, and had a grand time inside of the tornado. 

Of course, no one believed him, and massive name calling ensued.  I can't remember much of Lil' Timmy like his name or face, but I do remember that everyone thought he was an idiot, and he basically confirmed it. 

If I remember correctly, 10 year old me would have gladly shoved Lil' Timmy in the general direction of a tornado just to be rid of him.

I am a ..... Sloppy Painter?

To understand this blog post better, read the following blogs first.

Part 1.  I am a terrible painter
http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2012/03/i-am-terrible-painter.html

Part 2.  I am a terrible painter, part 2
http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2012/04/i-am-terrible-painter-part-2.html

With the help of friends and family I have come to the understanding that I am not a terrible painter/ artist.  I am just different.  Art can be so subjective, and no one sees things the same way.  It actually surprised me when I learned that many of the impressionist painters have very bad eyesight, and that's why they painted that way.  As a person with really bad eyesight, I can sympathize.  I can also take my glasses off, and see another way to view the world.  And when I do that I feel like my art can be defined as something other than terrible.  It actually does have a place in the art world.

I have also been told that what I lack in technique, I make up for in style.  As in, my own painting style.  I've known many painters that can copy other people's techniques, and can draw things very exact, but they lack their own sense of style.  I am kind of the other way.  I have limited techniques that I use on every painting, but they are my own.  If you look at one of my paintings you will know that I painted them due to my style, and not someone else. 

I admit, I do like to paint coral reefs.  I think they give me a great excuse to go crazy with the paints.  When people look at coral reef paintings they expect lots of color and energy, and I'm more than glad to give them that. 

Here's some that I have painted recently.

"Lost Anchor"

It started out as a painting called, "Goth Night at the Coral Reef."  I called it that due to the very abstract colors I choose for it.  I had painted the background, and was really happy about it, and then nothing.  I couldn't decide on what I wanted to do with it.  I then put it away for 6 months.  After a while I decided it needed a rusty anchor in it.  Most paintings in the impressionist style are best seen at a distance of 10 or more feet.  So posting a picture of it on the internet makes it kind of hard to view.  It does look a little odd when you are 2 feet from the image on your screen, but in real life this looks pretty good.

The next painting I did was called, "My Brain Corral is Smarter Than Your Brain Coral."

This picture was taken after I added the background.

 

 

This next picture is after I added the coral.

 

And here is the finished painting.

I do have to give credit to my Girlfriend.  She painted the Angelfish.  I wanted something nice and neat to contrast with the sloppy painting.

And by that, I mean I think I have found my niche.  I am not a terrible artist.  I am a sloppy artist.  And I don't mean that in a bad way.  I mean that when I paint sloppily and don't think much about what I'm doing, it turns out great.  When I try to be precise, it turns out horrible.  So by slinging paint and being sloppy, I am actually being a better artist.  I am okay with that. 

I will say this, I think my techniques are getting more refined so I can take what's in my head, and put it on the canvas a little better.  I feel really excited about my next painting.  I think it will turn out pretty good. 



The Worst Vacation

It all started with a bad feeling.  I just didn’t want to go on vacation.  Vacation being a trip to West Virginia to visit my Grandmother and other relatives.  I just knew something would go wrong.  Boy, was I right.

Part 1.  Who am I?

First we went to a family reunion in Virginia.  I knew none of these people.  My sister and Dad had a better idea of who everyone was than I did.  They kept asking me how I was related to this and that person.  I didn’t have a clue.  I felt like Johnny the Tackling Alzheimer’s Patient. 

Part 2.  The Eyes Have It.

There is a weird thing about the main branch of my family.  They all have these very blue eyes.  And  not just blue, but a light shade of blue.  Except for me, of course.  I have my Mother’s brown eyes.  It was another reason that I didn’t feel like I belonged at the family reunion.  I just didn’t feel Aryan enough.

Part 3.  0% German.

Do to DNA testing my family has found out a lot about where they originally came from.   My Dad took one of the tests, and it showed that he had DNA markers from the Viking’s liniage, and from Germany.  However, my Dad’s mother’s maiden name is Hager (say Hogger in a thick German accent.)  In other words my Grandmother is very German. 

So another one of our relatives says he took a DNA test, and it showed no German through my Grandfather’s line.  So despite the fact that they look like German’s, the Long line is 0% German.  Although they (we) seem to have the right to wear Viking helmets if we want.  We are that hardcore Scandinavian. 

The one thing I noticed is that my relatives seem as smug as I do sometimes.  At least I know where I got it from.  We are definitely a smug bunch, and I don’t know if that’s a good thing.

Part 4.  Relative Ways – What’s With The Picture Taking?

One form of smugness that really bothered me was the picture taking.  No one would ask if they could take your picture.  They’d just stick a camera up your nose, and click the button.  No manners at all, if you ask me.  I was always taught to ask someone permission before you took they’re picture.  I just felt that I could slap a few of my camera welding relatives.  I know, white people problems right?

Part 5.  Frank the Falcon.

Due to the carrying on that was happening at the family reunion, I decided to have some fun.  Since I didn’t feel like telling everyone I was an unemployed truck driver, I decided to make up a fun job for myself.  I was going to ask them if they had heard of the parrot show at Busch Gardens.  I was then going to tell them that I was the Falconer for the new Falcon act in the Busch Gardens aviary.  However, things weren’t going so great.  My Falcon Frank was kind of an asshole.  He would sometimes do things, but only if he wanted to.  I wasn’t the greatest employee, but I was the only one who could handle Frank, so they couldn’t fire me.  In all honesty, it wasn’t that great of a show, but we were trying.  At least it was a paycheck.

So I thought it was a pretty good story.  However, I never got to use it, as no one asked me where I worked.  It would have been fun though.

Part 6.  Bats

Once we get to my Grandmother’s house we (meaning Dad and I) have to fight off the bat invasion.  That’s right, the attic was infested with bats.  The bats are so bad, but the bat guano (poo) is pretty rank.  So we stick bug spray up there to push them out.  Dad fills up all the holes, and puts netting over the vents.  Still a few bats wouldn’t come out. 

Of course they end up dying, and the smell of death fills the air.  That, and mothballs.  Dad bought some mothballs, and the smell was just awful between the death and the mothballs.  Dad filled the holes with that great yellow, expanding foam  stuff.  Then he had to paint over it with brown paint to match the house.  It was not a fun time.

After a day, the smell was worse than death.  It was like death mixed with mothballs.  The entire upstairs was uninhabitable.  I ended up having to sleep on the couch.  And even then, my blanket and pillow that had been upstairs smelled like death and mothballs.  Off to the washer they go.

Also, I kept making the joke, “Do you have mothballs?”  “Oh, so you’re a gay moth?”  I know I completely ripped off the Fishsticks joke from South Park.

Part 7.  Rats, Er Mice.

During one of the first nights at Grandma’s house we had a visitor.  I was sitting on the couch when a mouse ran around the corner.  Not one of those feeder mice you find in pet stores.  It was one of those field mice you see with the big eyes and huge ears.  Honestly, they are quite cute.  But when you have one, you can end up with a bunch.  So we put out poison and mice traps.  Did I catch something?  Oh yes, yes I did.  I ended up catching Grandma’s toe.

Part 8.  The Cone of Uncertainty.

So there was this little storm (sarcasm) that hit parts of 5 states, West Virginia being one of them.  They said that Hurricane Katrina knocked out power to 3 million people.  Well, this storm knocked the power out for 5 million people.  Oh yeah, that included my Grandma’s house.  So for four days we were without power.  That meant no A/C in the middle of a record setting heat wave.  Talk about miserable.  Nothing to do, and nowhere to go.  Although we did go to restaurants since the food was spoiled.  There were long wait times at the restaurants since a lot of employees couldn’t make it to work, and lots of people showed up.

Overall, it was just a miserable time.  I can sum it up like this.  Four days of intense heat with nothing to do.  I could have stayed home in Florida, and had the same experience with the next hurricane that showed up. 

Part 9.  Dude, you just got punched in the ribs. 

I will not name the relative that did this, but I got punched in the ribs by him/her.  Thanks a lot.

Part 10.  Piss and Venom.

We all have relatives.  We all have relatives that we don’t like.  However, I have a relative who really, really hates me.  My Grandmother was gone, so I answered the phone.  I’m just trying to take a message when my evil Aunt gets nasty with me, and hangs up on me.  I just asked if I could take a message.

I find it funny that someone could have so much hate, so much venom for me, that they can’t hold back.  They have to snap and act nasty every time they see me. 

Part 11.  Vacation Shopping.

This is the part that most people like about vacation, the shopping.  However, due to the power outage most places were closed.  And they were closed over the weekend when we planned to go shopping.  I was able to find a game for my Nintendo 3DS, but it’s tough to play it when the power is out, and won’t recharge your 3DS.

I was really looking forward to the flea markets.  You can find some really cool vintage items in the flea markets in West Virginia.  Also, you never know what kind of musical instruments you will find.  One of my greatest (maybe the greatest) finds was in a West Virginia flea markets.  I really missed doing that this trip.

Part 12.  Only Happy When It Rains.

I was looking forward to the Arts and Crafts Fair in Ripley.  It was supposed to be a fun day.  And then the rain came.  A lot of vendors closed up, and I ended up stuck in a shelter with a woman who had six kids.  One of which was afraid of storms, and was balling her eyes out at the rain and thunder.  Hell is other people’s kids.

I did get quite a few pictures, and overall it wasn’t too bad.  I just wish it didn’t happen to rain right after we arrived.  It hadn’t rained in a while, and the area needed the water, but I wished it could have waited until nighttime.  

Part 13.  The End.

Well, vacation finally ended.  After a 17 some hour trip, we made it home.  Of course there was no power to the water pump.  Turns out, the switch finally died.  Luckily it was able to get fixed once daylight came.  Also, for some reason the cable is out.  The cable guy will show up in about two days to get it straightened up.  

So after a really relaxing vacation (more sarcasm,) I will mow the two feet of grass, and give the fishtank a good cleaning.  I am starting to see why we only do vacation once a year.  I don't think I could stand it any more than that.