Kids... The Great Overactors Of Our Time: An Easter Story

Back during the Easter holidays I was invited to a Easter/Spring Equinox/Ostara party.  It was like any other holiday celebration.  Everyone was invited.  There was lots of food.  And of course, there was an egg hunt for the kids.

 

Now I don't have kids so I haven't had to deal with any in a while.  But the kids there mostly, well, acted like kids.  It was just kind of the usual.  That is, until I spoke with one seven year old in particular.

I'm going to call him Steven.  I don't know why.  He just kind of looked like a Steven to me.  So he's talking to my friend Jeannie who is running the party.  He asks her when the egg hunt will be.  She says soon.

That's when I have to bust in with my Adrian sense of humor.  I say, "Well, we have to make sure the Spring Hare (Easter Bunny) has had a chance to poop all those eggs out.  You don't want to miss a few because you rushed him... er her?"

That's when Steven said something unbelievably  amazing to me.  It wasn't so much what he said but the way he said it.  I have to give him credit, his acting was right up there with William Shatner.

The next part I will write as if this was a novel.

Steven took a pull off his cigarette.  As he breathed out he spoke to me in a low voice.  "No man.  You just don't understand.  I know!  I know it's just a guy in a bunny outfit."  

I was so impressed with Steven that I had no reply.  He was simply amazing.  The sureness in his voice was unmatched.  Even though he was only seven, he knew that the Spring Hare was absolutely a guy in a bunny outfit.  Although he wasn't 100% right this time.  Namely because this time it was a woman.

Everything Will Kill You, And Other Things I Learned From a High School Play

When I was in high school the drama kids would put on plays like every other high school in America.  What I didn't know was the following:

1.  Kids in drama class are total, "Drama Lammas."  Let's just say more than the average student.
2.  Not all high school plays are created equal.
3.  Not all actors are created equal.
4.  Never underestimate the power of United States school system to sell you on complete bullshit.
5.  Seven years after Nancy Regan's, "Just Say No" campaign a lot of us were wondering if we were being told the complete truth.

But let me start at the beginning.  I was a high school sophomore when I attended this particular school play.  I didn't know it at the time, but it was going to be one of those plays they like to put on before homecoming/prom.  In other words, it was going to be a warning about all the terrible things that could happen to you at a party.

And that's where we were.  The play was set at a house party.  There were lots of kids with booze and drugs.  Basically, the night started slow, and then things took a dark turn as the alcohol and drugs started to take their toll.

The one thing I remember most of all, and what lead me to start writing this blog post was this particular character.  He was the flirty Spanish guy.  If you live anywhere in Florida this guy was in your class.  He never talked normally.  Everything was always sexual and flirty.  It got annoying really fast.

This guy was flirting with a girl at the beginning of the play.  But by the end of the play he walked to the edge of the stage.  That's when the lighting showed bars across his body.  Then he said those words I'll never forget...

"But I ended up raping that girl, and now I'm in prison."

I honestly thought, "Wait, what?  I don't understand.  How did he go from flirting to full on raping that girl?"  Which then lead me to thinking (before Ron Burgandy made it famous.)

Yeah, that really did get out of control.  I was fifteen when I saw the play.  I thought to myself, "Now, I've flirted with a few girls.  I never thought about raping them.  I think this is a bit of a stretch."

Now let me take a minute and state the obvious.  No, I'm not sticking up for rapists.  I saying there is a HUGE difference between flirting and raping someone.  If a man is flirting that doesn't mean that the next logical step for him is raping someone.  Again, I think the school system was trying to tell us something that wasn't true.

Here's some of the other highlights from the play.  There was another girl at the party who got hella drunk.  She ended up pregnant.  Okay, well that does happen.  What doesn't usually happen is that she ended up getting frustrated with the baby, and shook him to death.

That's right.  Because this girl drank alcohol, she 1.  Got pregnant.  2.  Killed the baby.  3.  Ended up in hardcore prison.  So the message of this play?  Don't drink or you'll go to prison?

Of course, there was the guy who didn't drink that much, but ended up trying to drive home.  Well, he ended up crashing his car, and died in a DUI accident.  Not to mention the other motorist he killed.  The motorist's family ended up suing the kid's parents, and left them penniless.

Let's see, I believe one of the person's there had an overdose while another went on to become a junkie.

As I kept watching more and more of the play I just kept thinking:

It was years later when Saturday Night Live had their "Drama Kids" skit that I remembered the play, and all those memories came rushing back to me.  I laughed my ass off at the SNL skit, but I still thought, "Damn drama kids."

The Angel's Trumpet Plant In My Yard Is Mocking Me

I have written about this particular plant before.  Read this to understand where I am coming from.

http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2014/05/im-not-sure-how-i-feel-about-angels.html

The problem with this particular plant is that, it is becoming a tree.  And it's not exactly supposed to do that.  Even Wikipedia says it's a plant.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brugmansia

I wrote the first blog one year and nineteen days ago.  The main problem I have with this particular plant is that, it's more like a tree, and it is getting in the way of my mowing.  I know you are thinking, "Well dumbass, get a pair of trimmers and trim that thing."  Well, I've brought that up, and I was told I wasn't allowed to cut it. 

I was told I had to wait for it to free back during the winter.  Now if you notice the dates of these two blogs you will have noticed that winter came and went, and the plant (now as big as a tree) did not freeze back.  It got bigger.  Much bigger.

Here's a far away shot of it, so you can see how big it is next to the old oak tree.

Again, I know you might be thinking, "Well, that's not that big."  That's when I say, "Yes, but it's a plant.  Not a tree."

Here's what it looks like when you stand underneath it.

Here are some of the dying flowers on it.

Again, normally I really could not care about this stupid plant, but....

1.  It's gotten out of control.  What was supposed to be a plant has become a tree.
2.  I can't mow near it without it trying to decapitate me.
3.  It laughs in the face of being frozen.
4.  I am not allowed to cut it back. 
5.  I'm still afraid that the stupid kids in the neighborhood are going to try and get high off the flowers and end up killing themselves.  Really, who decided to plant this thing here?

One of these days something is going to have to be done about it.  And I will be there when that happens.

The Boy Who Walked Into A Tornado, And Came Out An Idiot

... A story from my youth.

Dr. House said it best when he said, "Everyone lies."  Well, everyone does lie, but kids are the worst at it.  I don't know if it's that their brains aren't working at 100% capacity, or if they think it's part of being imaginative.  Either way, kids lie...badly.

Then there are the kids who take it to the next level.  They continue to lie even when everyone knows they're an idiot, and no one is believing them.  This is a story about one of those kids.  I can't even remember this kid's name.  I can't even remember what he looks like.  But I remember the complete train-wreck of a conversation I had with him.

It started with a tornado.

Actually it started with a bunch of us, some 10 year old kids, talking about some recent tornados that had hit the mid-west.  It had been all over the news since they had done a bunch of damage to homes.  I remember how Tom Brokaw talked about the wind speeds would blow even harder than the hurricanes that hit us here in Florida.  The wind speeds could get up to 200 MPH, thus destroying anything in their path.

So this kid, I'll call him "Lil' Timmy," says that he's been inside a tornado.  Well, you can imagine what a ruckus this caused for a bunch of 10 year olds.  No one argues a subject to a well beaten, well rotted, dead horse like a group of 10 year olds. 

So Lil' Timmy goes on that he just walked up to the tornado, and while the winds were bad, once you got inside the tornado it was just fine.  There were no winds, and everything was peaceful once you got inside of the tornado.  So not only was he saying that he walked up to a tornado, he was saying that he walked inside of it, and it was totally chill.  He just sat back, relaxed, and had a grand time inside of the tornado. 

Of course, no one believed him, and massive name calling ensued.  I can't remember much of Lil' Timmy like his name or face, but I do remember that everyone thought he was an idiot, and he basically confirmed it. 

If I remember correctly, 10 year old me would have gladly shoved Lil' Timmy in the general direction of a tornado just to be rid of him.