My Original "Kids In The Hall" Skit

A few weeks ago I was out hunting.  And by "out hunting" I mean, contemplating in my tree stand.  While I was up in a tree, I thought of a funny skit.  It occurred to me that it would be perfect for the former Comedy Central show, "The Kids In The Hall."

For those who don't know anything about the show, it was very quirky, Canadian humor.  The skits never took themselves too seriously.  I loved every episode I ever saw.

Here's the IMDB page for the show:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096626/?ref_=nv_sr_1

So here's what I thought up.

Man 1, who is picking up his kid from school, is approached by Man 2.

Man 2:  "Hey!  Your kid told my boy that you could beat me up."

Man 1:  "Well, you know how kids are.  They're always telling each other that their Daddy can beat up other kid's Dads."

Man 2:  "Well, I think it's time to put up or shut up."

Man 1:  (To his son)  "Timmy, you know you can't put Daddy in this position.  Now Daddy is going to have to do something he doesn't really want to do."

That when Man 1 completely sucker punches Man 2 in the stomach.  They start fighting like they are possessed.  I mean, totally over the top.  Also, "The Kids in the Hall" were always known for their use of hilarious fake blood.  And that's the thing.  It looks really fake.

So during the fight the two dads are fighting hockey style since they are Canadian.

We're talking grabbing each other by the shirt/sweater/jersey and throwing haymakers.  During the fight a few teeth get knocked out, and spit towards the camera.  While fighting they are yelling at each other about, "Not letting their kids down."  Things such as, "My kid said I could beat you up, and by golly, I'm going to beat you up."  That's the kind of dialogue "Kids in the Hall" was known for.

Finally, Man 1 has Man 2 on the ground, and he's just throwing punches like, "The Narrator" was doing to Jared Leto in "Fight Club."

That's when Man 2 finally taps out.  Man 1 wearily gets off him and aims to walk away when he hears someone say something to him.

Man 3.  "Hey!  Your kid told my kid that you could beat me up."

Man 1.  (Turns to his son)  Just remember the things that Daddy does for you.  Then he dives right into Man 3 like a madman, and the screen goes blank.

So that's my "Kids in the Hall" sketch.  It may not be right for modern day "SNL" or "The Whitest Kids You Know," but I think it's perfect for early 90's "Kids in the Hall."  I hope it gave you a laugh.

Everything Will Kill You, And Other Things I Learned From a High School Play

When I was in high school the drama kids would put on plays like every other high school in America.  What I didn't know was the following:

1.  Kids in drama class are total, "Drama Lammas."  Let's just say more than the average student.
2.  Not all high school plays are created equal.
3.  Not all actors are created equal.
4.  Never underestimate the power of United States school system to sell you on complete bullshit.
5.  Seven years after Nancy Regan's, "Just Say No" campaign a lot of us were wondering if we were being told the complete truth.

But let me start at the beginning.  I was a high school sophomore when I attended this particular school play.  I didn't know it at the time, but it was going to be one of those plays they like to put on before homecoming/prom.  In other words, it was going to be a warning about all the terrible things that could happen to you at a party.

And that's where we were.  The play was set at a house party.  There were lots of kids with booze and drugs.  Basically, the night started slow, and then things took a dark turn as the alcohol and drugs started to take their toll.

The one thing I remember most of all, and what lead me to start writing this blog post was this particular character.  He was the flirty Spanish guy.  If you live anywhere in Florida this guy was in your class.  He never talked normally.  Everything was always sexual and flirty.  It got annoying really fast.

This guy was flirting with a girl at the beginning of the play.  But by the end of the play he walked to the edge of the stage.  That's when the lighting showed bars across his body.  Then he said those words I'll never forget...

"But I ended up raping that girl, and now I'm in prison."

I honestly thought, "Wait, what?  I don't understand.  How did he go from flirting to full on raping that girl?"  Which then lead me to thinking (before Ron Burgandy made it famous.)

Yeah, that really did get out of control.  I was fifteen when I saw the play.  I thought to myself, "Now, I've flirted with a few girls.  I never thought about raping them.  I think this is a bit of a stretch."

Now let me take a minute and state the obvious.  No, I'm not sticking up for rapists.  I saying there is a HUGE difference between flirting and raping someone.  If a man is flirting that doesn't mean that the next logical step for him is raping someone.  Again, I think the school system was trying to tell us something that wasn't true.

Here's some of the other highlights from the play.  There was another girl at the party who got hella drunk.  She ended up pregnant.  Okay, well that does happen.  What doesn't usually happen is that she ended up getting frustrated with the baby, and shook him to death.

That's right.  Because this girl drank alcohol, she 1.  Got pregnant.  2.  Killed the baby.  3.  Ended up in hardcore prison.  So the message of this play?  Don't drink or you'll go to prison?

Of course, there was the guy who didn't drink that much, but ended up trying to drive home.  Well, he ended up crashing his car, and died in a DUI accident.  Not to mention the other motorist he killed.  The motorist's family ended up suing the kid's parents, and left them penniless.

Let's see, I believe one of the person's there had an overdose while another went on to become a junkie.

As I kept watching more and more of the play I just kept thinking:

It was years later when Saturday Night Live had their "Drama Kids" skit that I remembered the play, and all those memories came rushing back to me.  I laughed my ass off at the SNL skit, but I still thought, "Damn drama kids."