Badger At Your Feet

I'll get this out of the way now.  I am a Tom Green fan.  That's right.  I loved everything he ever did including his movie, "Freddy Got Fingered."  I know I'm the only person I've ever met who actually likes that movie, but I accept it.  For those who are trying to remember what movie I'm talking about, it's the one where Barry (Tom Green) asks/sings to his father, "Daddy would you like some sausage?"

When it came out I had a classmate named Jocelyn who said it was the only movie she ever walked out of.  It specifically had to do with the scene where Barry (Tom Green) was swinging a baby around by the umbilical cord.

It's also the movie where Barry decides to wear a deer skin, that he skinned off a deer, and ends up getting hit by a truck.

But there is one great thing for me personally that came out of this movie.  There is a scene where Barry gets by security by uttering the throwaway line, "Badger at your feet."  I've found that in my personal life it has helped when being approached by salespeople.

When I walk through Wal-Mart there is always a table occupied by a phone or cable company.  They approach Wal-Mart customers trying to get them to change their phone/internet/cable/etc. service.  This is how the exchange goes with the salesperson and me.

Salesperson:  "Hello sir, how are you doing today?  Would you like to hear some information about..."

Me:  "Badger at your feet!"

Salesperson:  "What sir?  I didn't understand that."

Me:  "Badger at your feet."

Of course, I continue to walk away from them.  The whole point of doing this is not to stand there arguing with the salesperson.  The point is to walk away without having to deal with their sales pitch.
In fact, today I was able to use this strategy.  I was walking out of my favorite sandwich shop when a man walked out of the building next to it.  (Note:  It's a strip mall so all the stores are smushed up against each other.)  A barbershop had moved out, and some sort of cell phone store had taken it's place.

First I heard someone yell, "Hey buddy," or something like that.  It turned out that he was actually yelling at me from the inside of the store.  He then ran out, and started with his sales pitch.

Once I realized what was going on I went to my go-to.  "Badger at your feet."

Cell phone salesman:  "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that?"

Me:  "Badger.  There's a badger at your feet."

Over the years I have had a number of reactions.  Most of the time people are left confused.  One time a guy yelled back at me, "Man, you ly'in!"  I think only twice someone actually laughed at what I said.  Of those two, I think one guy recognized the joke, and where it was from.

So far, it's worked 100% of the time.  But I know what you are going to ask.  What happens when it doesn't work?  That's okay, because I have a back-up line from that movie if the badger line doesn't work.

"You can't hurt me!  Not with my... cheese helmet!"

Rise

If I ever needed a boxing entrance song, it would be "Rise" by "The Cult."  They have a lot of great songs, but I really dig that one.  For those who are unfamiliar with it, check this out:

You can easily see why I love this song.  But sometimes songs have odd memories attached to them.  And as much as I love this song, it has a strange odd memory that comes to me whenever I hear it.

The year was 2003.  Chad Michael Murray was the hunk of the WB with parts on Gilmore Girls, One Tree Hill, and Dawson's Creek.  Here's his IMDB page:  http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0614877/?ref_=tt_cl_t1

Seriously, the guy could do no wrong.  So the WB decided to reboot the Lone Ranger with a TV movie.  If the movie did well, then they would start a series the next year.  Never heard of it?  Well, check this out:  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0323100/?ref_=nv_sr_3  In a weird bit of TV trivia, The Lone Ranger was the WB's first made for TV movie.

So what's the problem with all this?  Well, it's hard to find clips from the show, but here's the one I can find.  It will show you what happens when you take an old Western, and then add WB teen drama to it.

The truth is, the movie turned out awful.  It was just mind numbing trying to figure out where they were going with it.  The part that I remember about it, and the part that this blog entry is about has to do with a training montage.  That's right, in the movie the Lone Ranger becomes who he is by training with Tonto.  Since they only had so much time in movie to do stuff, they condensed the Lone Ranger's training into a (not kidding) Rocky style montage.

And the music over top of that training montage?  I'm not sure.  The soundtrack isn't listed on the IMDB.  So here I am watching this.  Tonto and the Lone Ranger are running around, riding horses, shooting bows/arrows, and pistols, and just going training montage crazy to some sort of strange rap song.  Here's the montage starting at the 1:30 mark:

 http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3efgk_chad-michael-murray-in-the-lone-ran_shortfilms&start=88

Frankly, it's one of those things you don't tend to forget.  The funniest part was that it looked like their outfits were a cross between new Western wear and clothes from, "The Gap."  I just couldn't take it seriously.  And that's probably one reason that it's stuck in my head all these years. 

After some searching it seems I have found a battle scene from the movie that features, "Rise."  Head to the 9:00 minute mark.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3efmf_chad-michael-murray-in-the-lone-ran_shortfilms&start=534

And then it continues in this:

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3efpl_chad-michael-murray-in-the-lone-ran_shortfilms&start=1

Say, how do you like that kick at the 1:07 minute mark?  Yeah, I'd break both my legs if I did that.

So as I sit here years later, I can only think of this terrible Lone Ranger movie every single time I hear "Rise" by "The Cult."  It's kind of weird what the brain will do.  I can only think of Homer Simpson telling his brain to shut up, or he was going to send more alcohol it's way to shut it up.  That's how I feel about my brain every time I hear this song. 

Life of Gourami

I got new fish today.  I know this is not a big deal to some people, but it is to me.  You see, I have had Tetras the last 20 years.  Today I decided to get something different.  I decided to get Gouramis.  In my younger days I did not like gouramis.  Namely because one big male gourami bullied my favorite fish, Elizabeth (a Mollie) at the fishtank at school.  Really, the gouramis need more room than the 20 gallon tank that was at school. 

So now I have six new gouramis in my 46 gallon Eurotank.  They seem to be enjoying the new tank.  I have made sure to have plenty of rocks and plants for hiding places.  The fish tend to get along better that way.  I also changed the light bulbs as the old ones were getting really faded.

So I took pictures, and made an Independent film about these new fish.  I hope you enjoy them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And here is my Independent film, "Life of Gourami."

 

 



The 80's Attack! Movie Review: The Adventures of Hercules 2

So here it is.  Late night on a Sunday.  Nothing good comes is on TV when it is technically Monday at 2:00 AM.  But then, I spot something on Showtime Family.  Something that came from the 80's.  My childhood reborn.  The Adventures of Hercules staring Lou Ferrigno.  (1985.)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089271/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Adventures_of_Hercules

Here's the funny thing.  This is not the movie that I thought I remembered.  That was "Hercules."  Also staring Lou Ferrigno.  I'm not sure if I ever saw this one.  This one is much, much worse, and a lot cheesier.

Here's the highlights.

This would make a great drinking game.

Dude, was that a chick with a codpiece?

Hey, the actors lips don't line up with their mouths.

The sets look like they were designed by high school kids in their shop class.  The same goes for the costumes.  Maybe the 3rd shift in a Korean factory.

80's hair!

80's makeup!

80's boobs!!!!!  Big but natural.

The acting is worse than 70's porn, but better than 80's porn.

I know these "special effects" are cost tens of dollars back then..... but it's just hilarious today.  They are overusing the laser lights that TRON used.  Maybe they are borrowed laser effects from the 60's studio guys who did the original "Star Trek."

Seriously reduced budget from the first movie.  The guys from GWAR have better costumes.  (Honestly)

Seriously, I've got to get this on DVD, and then get a bottle of something.  This would be a great movie to drink to.  I wouldn't recommend LSD or pot because I don't believe in doing illegal drugs.  Only the legal ones.  Therefore, I would suggest some form of pain killer that you could only get from your doctor.  Then this movie would be really great.

Oh this is interesting.  Zeus, King of all Gods, is on the moon.  Yea Moon God!

They totally ripped off the "Clash of the Titans" Medusa scene.  It just wasn't as good, and that's a bit of an understatement.

So the main point of this movie is that four Gods have stolen seven lightning bolts from Zeus, and if he doesn't get them back the Moon will crash into the Earth.  Okay.

During the final fight, King Minos turns into a giant laser beam T-Rex.  Hercules turns into a giant laser beam gorilla.  Honestly, even I can't make this up.

Ooh, I can get both from Amazon for only $9.89.  I know what a bunch of people are getting me for my birthday.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00094ARU0?tag=coldfusionvideor&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=B00094ARU0&adid=1WP6VJ3Q59NTAFT3K9N1&&ref-refURL=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.coldfusionvideo.com%2Farchives%2Fadventures-of-hercules-the-1985%2F