That Will Be The Death Of Me, Part 3

Part 1.  http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2014/04/that-will-be-death-of-me.html

Part 2.  http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2015/01/that-will-be-death-of-me-part-2.html

Well it's over.  It seems that I have outlived the palm tree that I was sure that was going to be the end of me.  Of course, I was blamed for killing it, so I have no idea if I was overturning my own prophecy or just not knowing how to trim a tree.

Here is what is left of the palm.

 

Just a mound of nothingness. 

Here's a wide view.

So now comes the question, "What do I do?"  I mean, I have now outlived the tree that was destined to kill me.  I worry that another tree will take it's place, and rise up to avenge it's fore-bearer. 

This is not the time for me to rest on my laurels, but to safeguard against any and all plants that might try to rise up, and strike me down.

That, or I can quit being so damn dramatic. 

That Will Be The Death Of Me, Part 2

To understand this post a little better, read part 1.

http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2014/04/that-will-be-death-of-me.html

A funny thing happened to the tree I hate.  A few months ago it stopped growing limbs.  And then, the limbs that it had started dying.  For some strange reason, it seems the tree that I thought would be the death of me, has itself, died. 

I didn't expect this.  I had expected this thing to outlive my Father, and then I would have to deal with it.  Now, we have a dead canary island date palm tree that we will both have to try to remove. 

Now this presents a number of problems.  First, this thing may not look too big, but it is heavy.  Next, palm trees are very fibrous, and dull chainsaw blades almost immediately.  What really makes this thing a pain is that, it has giant ball roots, and a ton of work will have to be put in to unearth them.  I'm also afraid that all the plants that surround the palm tree will be damaged as we try to move the canary island date palm. 

There is always the option of letting the palm tree sit there and rot a bit.  That way, it will make it easier to cut and move.  However, that will make the whole driveway look terrible.  No one wants to have a dead tree right in their front circle. 

So I will have to confer with my still very much alive Father on what he wants to do with it.  The one thing I am sure of is that, I don't want another one of those canary island date palm trees placed back in there. 

That Will Be The Death Of Me

It started almost twenty years ago.  I was an arrogant, angry kid just out of high school.  I was going to the local community college two or three times a week for some sort of an education.  To make pocket money for all the important stuff, I took the only job that would hire someone like me.  Landscaping.  It just so happened that the next street over from where I lived was a giant landscaping company.  So I got hired, was able to work part time hours, and made pretty decent pocket change compared to others my age.  Not great, but still a little more than other menial jobs.

It was there that I encountered what would be my plant nemesis.  The Canary Island Date Palm.  The first time I had to deal with one of the cut branches, it cut me up one side of my arm to the other.  Note that I was wearing work gloves at the time.  It didn't cut my hands, but it did a number on my arms.  You see, the Canary Island Date Palm has these huge thorns where the branches meet the base of the tree.  The problem was a lot of the properties had these all over the place, and each one needed cut four times a year or so. 

Years ago I let everyone in the house know that one of these palms would be the death of me.  Still, my Father for whom cruelty has never been an issue decided to put one right smack in the middle of the driveway.  Don't believe me?  Look at this:

Yes, that is the front of our house.  And for those of you thinking, "Well, the thorns can't be that bad, can they?"  Take a look at this:

Those things can get up to eight inches long, and can cut right through a work glove. 

When my Father first bought the palm it was short and stocky.  However, it still weighed at least 400 pounds.  It has these two huge ball roots on it.  For years it didn't actually grow upwards.  It just put down roots for years.  The last few years however it has started to grow upward.  This presents another problem.  When I would mow around it, I would try to cut the grass near the base of the tree.  However, I could never get that close since the thorns would cut me to pieces.  The other problem with it getting taller is that, the thorns are now near my face, and have cut my face numerous times. 

My cruel Father says that it's not my problem.  He'll deal with it.  But it doesn't really work out that way does it?  I have to deal with it when I am landscaping.  I also told him that those things live a long time.  I'll have to deal with it when he dies.  I can't burn it down.  I can't cut it down with a standard chainsaw.  Palm trees are notorious for being impossible to cut down with a chainsaw.  Or at least, regular chainsaws.  No, I will have to pay a tree company to come and take it away.  Right now that would run $2000.  With inflation, I'd hate to think what it will be in a few years. 

I suspect that will be mowing one bright and sunny day.  I will be on my riding lawnmower, and one of those thorns will cut my throat wide open.  It will be exactly like how Catalyn Stark got her throat slit open during the Game of Thrones, "Red Wedding" episode.

I begged my cruel and unusual Father to let me put something else in the circle.  I was thinking Stonehenge, but a Mini-Stonehenge.  They sell them on Amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/Build-Your-Stonehenge-Mega-Mini/dp/0762443359/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1397546738&sr=8-1&keywords=stonehenge+mini

Okay I'll need it a touch bigger than that, but you get the point.

Yes, I could do something like that.  Maybe I could use cinder blocks, and masonry found at the local Home Depot.  That would keep the cost down.

But it won't happen.  I know that I will be struck down by that Canary Island Date... nay, Killing Palm. 

Let the final words on my tombstone be this:

A Canary Island Date Palm walks on the water.
A Canary Island Date Palm walks by the sea.
A Canary Island Date Palm walks wherever it wants.
But no Canary Island Date Palm walks on me.

You know if that will fit and all.

Adrian: Amateur Gardener, Part 2

Part 1.  http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2013/03/adrian-amateur-gardener.html

Well, in part 1 of this blog I laid down what I wanted to do.  I also posted some pretty impressive photos of other people's gardens.  I will say, that is what I would like the garden to be, but if it's anywhere close to that I'll take it as a victory.

So now, let's talk about what we had to work with.  The answer?  Not much.  The house wasn't exactly taken care of by the previous tenants, and they weren't exactly interested in gardening or keeping the house looking nice.  So all I had to start with was barren ground.  And in Florida that means lots of sand.  The whole property is shaded so that means I have to plant garden plants that don't like direct sunlight.  That means one thing.  Bromeliads.

The first thing I did was what my Grandfather taught me about planting.  He said to take your shovel, draw lines in the sand, and plan out where you want to put things.  I did that, making sure to leave room to access a control panel on the side of the house.

Once I had it drawn out, I planted some bromeliads.  They breed like crazy so my sister had plenty to donate to the garden.  I spaced them out, and had a perfect garden started. 

The next step was to lay out the boundaries.  I used landscape timbers for the border.  I cut them to where I wanted them, drilled holes out, and used 12 inch nails to hold them in place.  Here's the photos of my work up to that point.

It's small, but it's a good start.  It doesn't look that impressive without mulch.  Luckily, I have a friend of my Dad's who runs a wood workshop.  He was building a project with maple wood, and had a ton of shavings from it.  So he donated them to the garden.  Here's what it looked like after I had spread the maple mulch.

Once it rains the mulch will be a lot more packed down.  I know it's not much, but it's a start.  The big thing was getting borders and mulch in.  And the bromeliads won't take long to get a hold in the ground.  There will be more bromeliads before you know it.  I'll see about adding some more flowering plants in there later on.  I'm looking forward to writing part 3.  Who knows what might show up in the flower beds next?