Idiot Scoutmasters: No Pizza For You!

You can't spend almost 13 years in any organization without a few wild and crazy stories.  During that time you are also going to catch people on a bad day.  However, some Scoutmasters always seemed to be having a bad day.  Due to all the time I spent in the Boy Scouts of America I have managed to write quite a few stories in my "Idiot Scoutmaster" series.

What makes this story so strange is I think my patrol just happened to catch our Scoutmaster, Mr. Brasher, at a bad moment.  I'm sure something had to have happened to him earlier in the day to put him in a foul mood.  What's funny, is that, I wasn't even the one who was:

A:  Being a pain.
B.  Running my mouth.
C.  Trying to get his attention.
D.  Or even talking in general.

The conversation started with two of my Patrol members, Mark and Brian.  They were top notch quality human beings.  Eventually, they both ended up earning their Eagle Scout rank.  This was back before they changed the rules and made it much easier to do so.

We were talking about our upcoming campout, and what we should cook.  We had gotten into a bit of a rut.  You know, sandwiches and hot dogs.  Brian brought up the question of if we could actually make a pizza outdoors?  The flour didn't need refrigerated.  We could carry a stick of pepperoni as well as vegetables.

The only question Brian had was how to keep cheese from spoiling.  Mark brought up that we could carry a can a parmesan cheese since that didn't need to be refrigerated.  Brian immediately thought, "Oh yeah!  That's a great idea!"  He couldn't believe that he hadn't thought of it.

It was at that time that Mr. Brasher came out of nowhere, and laid down the law.  "We're not cooking pizza out camping!"  I have to admit I was completely caught off guard.  I said, "But we have the grill that we use for hot dogs.  Couldn't we just set the pizza pan on top of it?"

Again came the stern and final decision.  "We're not cooking pizza on a campout!"

I have no idea what set Mr. Brasher off.  I mean, our patrol was just spit-balling ideas when he came in with the drill sergeant routine.  What made him so angry about pizza.  Had he never heard of wood-fired pizza?

Was he afraid our pizza would turn out ugly?

I want to reiterate that I've been in troops with Boy Scouts who didn't act like Boy Scouts.  But Mark and Brian were some of the best troop members I've ever come across.  They really were model Eagle Scouts.

I think back to the words of wisdom from my Father.  "I don't know why you stayed (in the Boy Scouts) as long as you did?"  Maybe I was gathering material for all this writing gold?  No, that's not it.  But if art is suffering, then I suffered during quite a few backpacking death marches.  So now I don't feel one bit terrible about writing my "Idiot Scoutmaster" series.

For more great reading of my Idiot Scoutmaster series, follow these wonderful links:

Idiot Scoutmasters: I'm The Idiot Scoutmaster! 

https://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2020/03/idiot-scoutmasters-im-idiot-scoutmaster.html

Idiot Scoutmasters: The Idiot Committee

https://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2019/12/idiot-scoutmasters-idiot-committee.html

Idiot Scoutmasters: The Dishwashing Paradox

https://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2019/02/idiot-scoutmasters-dishwashing-paradox.html

Idiot Scoutmasters: Once Bitten, Forever Stupid

https://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2019/01/idiot-scoutmasters-once-bitten-forever.html

Idiot Scoutmasters: A True Story of a Scout's Canteen

https://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2018/09/idiot-scoutmasters-true-story-of-scouts.html

Bored Scoutmasters and the Tale of the Wampus

https://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2014/07/bored-scoutmasters-and-tale-of-wampus.html

Adrian reminisces about his childhood days with the Boy Scouts

https://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2011/02/adrian-reminisces-about-his-childhood.html

Idiot Scoutmasters: Once Bitten, Forever Stupid

Last year I decided I would write blog posts about stupid things my Scoutmasters had done while I was in the Boy Scouts of America.  This is my second article.

Here is the first:

Idiot Scoutmasters: A True Story of a Scout's Canteen


My story again revolves around my Scoutmaster, Mr. Brasher.  Needless to say, he had a alternative way of teaching us boys.  When it came to First Aid, he had a belief that immersion was a better teacher than learning by the book or from a teacher.

We were at some sort of camping event with other troops.  We would go to one station, and learn First Aid.  We would then go to another station, and study something else.  Well, it was a few hours after we had learned First Aid, and we were being instructed about another subject.

Out of nowhere I saw Mr. Brasher screaming like he was in pain, as he started running around like a chicken with its head cut off.  It was then I heard him scream, "It bit me!  It bit me!"

I thought, "He's just been bit by a snake!!!"  It only took 0.02 seconds later for me to realize that he was acting like he had just been bitten by a snake to see what we would do.  Still, this kind of behavior had become normalized to me.  I was the first one to run up, and yell at him to, "stay calm!"
A few hours earlier at our First Aid class we had learned the importance of keeping a snake bit victim calm.  We were told to tackle the person if needed.  Anything to keep them from running around, and increasing their heartrate.

As a twelve year old I was proud that I was the first one to grab him, and yell at him to keep calm.  You know, he actually kept up the act yelling back at me that, "He was bit by a snake!  It bit me!  It bit me here!"  But now that I think back on the incident, it's weird how normalized that sort of behavior became to me.  But then again, I was only twelve.

The real kicker was that Mr. Brasher actually had a snake.  A rubber snake.  He had brought a rubber snake along on the camping trip just to pull off that stunt.  That's the kind of mindset I had to deal with.