Things Not To Let Your Boss Catch You Doing

This is an absolutely true story of one of the most embarrassing things I ever had a boss catch me doing.  It's taken me so long to write this story because honestly, I thought I'd written about it years ago.  I know there was a year or so where all I was writing was hilarious things that had happened to me.  So I'm surprised that I didn't write about this incident years ago.

Anyway, onto the story.

So there I was, stock crew for Pet Supermarket.  I would go to eight different stores over four days, and stock the stores.  It was really physical, and all the bosses of the stores hated us.  I don't think they had enough people, or gave us enough time to do the job, so we were the red headed, bastard, step-children of Pet Supermarket.

Anyway, I am at the store of my main boss Jessica.  She really hated us.  We were just an extra pain in her ass that she didn't need.  So it happened to also be the day that new animals had gotten delivered.  I went over to the octagon housing cage to look at all the new guinea pigs and rabbits.  It was then that my smart ass attitude got the better of me.

I grabbed one rabbit, and one guinea pig.

And I face them towards each other, and start doing the voices.

(For the guinea pig)  "Hi thar, I'm Mr. Gin Gin.  What's your name?"  (Note:  I was doing this voice out loud in a Foghorn Leghorn type of Southern accent.)

(For the rabbit)  "Hi thar yourself.  I'm Mr. Bun Bun.  (I did his voice in a very high pitch Southern accent.)

(Mr. Gin Gin)  "It's o' so nice to meet cha.  I hear they're doing wonderful things with carrots around these parts."

(Mr. Bun Bun)  "Well that's just wonderful.  I sure do love me some carrots."

Anyway, it went on like this for a bit until I looked up.  That's when I saw my Manager Jessica staring at me like I was nuts.  I didn't know what I was going to say.  I mean, what could I say?  Luckily she did a 180, and just walked away without saying one word to me.  And I really mean that.  She didn't talk to me for quite a while.  I'm still kind of embarrassed about it.

So remember kids, if you work in a pet store it's okay to talk to the animals.  It's just not okay for you to have the animals talk to each other. 

Farmer Adrian and the Sheepie Pigs

I like writing this blog.  It's the perfect format for me.  Twitter and Facebook posts are too short for my stories, and full hardcover books are too long.  So for me, having a blog is perfect for my short story format.  But there was one other thing that I was interested in writing.  That would be a kid's storybook.  They are mostly 30-60 pages, and have wonderful artwork.  That kind of falls into my format that I already been producing for 350 blogs. 

So now.  What do I write about?  An idea came to me when I was talking to my former girlfriend Roxy (not her real name.)  We had adopted a Guinea pig together, and shared a love for the adorable creatures. 

So one night when I was doing my usual weird thoughts/ storytelling I started telling about how there was once a really great guy by the name of Farmer Adrian.  He raised Sheepie Pigs.  Which lead to the question, "What's a sheepie pig?" 

Well, it's a giant guinea pig the size of a sheep, and has the white fluffy coat of a sheep.  Farmer Adrian would raise them, and in the springtime shave their exotic wool for money and goods.  Anyway, I got the, "Awwwww!!!!" from Roxy.  And think about it, sheepie pigs would be a great idea.  Half guinea pig/ half sheep/ 200% cuteness.  Everyone would love sheepie pigs, and they would be great at petting zoos.

Then I learned something great.  There are giant guinea pigs in real life.  They are called Capybaras.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capybara

 

When they are adults, they can weight from 75 to 150 pounds.  They like to live in groups so they would be great for having in herds. 

So think about this.  If we take the cuteness of a guinea pig/ capybara....

Plus the hairiness, and overall cuteness of a sheep....

 

You get the double cuteness of a sheepie pig!

 

But then comes the next part of the book.  What is the story about?  All kids books should have a lesson, so what should the lesson be about?  I was thinking something about hard work, since working on a farm is hard work.  But do most kids even know about farms and farm work these days?  It might be good in one way to tell them about farm work since they don't know about it, but then it could also make the book a little bit unrelateable and unclear. 

 

But the funny thing about children's books is that, there are quite a few of them.  In fact, remember when it was en vogue for all the celebrities to write a children's book?  Heck, even Madonna got in on the act.  So, I know I would have to view it as a hobby, and not really get my hopes up about getting it published.  It would have to be a fun side project.

 

At least it's fun to think about.  It's also a fun tale to tell small children when they request a story.  In the end it's a fun and more importantly, G-rated story for kids.





The Green Recliner

We all have things we miss from our previous relationships.  In fact, I wrote about something that I missed in one of my previous posts entitled, "I still miss someone."

http://angjellockheart.blogspot.com/2011/12/i-still-miss-someone.html

That of course, was about the guinea pig named Punky who I missed.  Well, there was something else left behind from that relationship that I miss.  That would be the green recliner.

It all started when my former girlfriend Roxy moved into a new apartment.  We were moving things in, and then throwing the moving boxes away in the dumpster.  Well, low and behold.  Someone threw out a perfectly good Lay-Z-Boy recliner by the dumpster.  It just needed some Febreze, and boom, it was great and born again.

So when we broke up there was the exchanging of the stuff.  In the exchanging of the stuff I didn't get the recliner.  I should have because Roxy never liked it.  I imagine that she went ahead and threw it out.  That just bothers me in so many ways.

You see I have this friend Josh who just moved into an apartment.  I'm not sure if he is "Spartan or poor."  I think it's a little of both.  Anyway, I think that he could have really used such a great, green recliner.  I know he would appreciate it's fine comfyness, and the way it just seems to hug you when you sit in it.  In fact, I'm sure he would be 50% less productive with that recliner in his apartment.

A find like this is just a one in a lifetime find.  I liken it to the guys who find the perfect dinosaur bones.  Maybe one day I will be in my own place, with nothing.  And out of that nothing, I will find the perfect recliner.  Cause really, no one likes to actually pay for something that good.  The trick is getting it for free.

I Still Miss Someone

It's been a year and a half since I broke up with my long time girlfriend Roxy (not her real name,) and I still miss someone.  That someone being the guinea pig we adopted, Punky.  I was never really into guinea pigs, as I have mostly had fish my whole life.  However, Punky was a really nice pet to have. 

She liked to chill out on my stomach.  I guess it's because I'm so warm to the touch.  I would sit her on my stomach, and just comb/ pet her.  Then she made the cutest little noises.  Guinea pigs make a "wheek, wheek, wheek" sort of noise, and it's just adorable. 

One time when I didn't want to get out of bed, Roxy put Punky in the bed with me.  She (Punky) then proceeded to snuggle up next to me under the covers.  She actually laid on her side and snuggled up against me.  There are pictures of that, but I'm not posting them because no one want to post pictures of themselves in the morning.  But the point is it was a really cute moment.

And now for even cuter moments.  Here are pictures of Punky.