I'm Starting To Think All RPG's Are The Same

It's hard to believe, but I've lived though all the major video game system releases.  I remember my parents coming home with an Atari 2600.  Yes, the one with the fake wooden paneling.  In the late 80's my Mother and Sister fought through the lines to bring home an original NES.  A few years later the SNES showed what video games could do with decent graphics.

I've played all varieties of games, but I have to say I love role playing games the most.  However, I've noticed they have gotten kind of stale lately.  Heck, even College Humor made fun of the whole genre a few years ago.  If you haven't seen this video, it's worth watching.

It's kind of come down to the same plot.

1.  I'm just an orphan who was raised in this backwater village.
2.  Oh no!  There is a fight between two large cities!  I must leave to see if I can help in some way.
3.  Those cities are being controlled, or working with other (much bigger) cities on this continent.
4.  But there are larger forces at play!  There is a worldwide faction that is controlling war between the people of the planet.
5.  This faction lives in a floating city.
6.  The evil ruler is bad, but is also being manipulated by another force/man/devil/whatever.
7.  The ruler dies, and the real evil behind everything shows it's face.
8.  You end up fighting God, or a God-like figure.
9.  No, you just ended up defeating it's first form.  There are two more forms to go.

Along the way your party includes:

1.  Your spunky childhood friend who is a technician.
2.  A princess/ white mage.
3.  A heavy brawler with a bad attitude.
4.  Comic relief in the form a thief/ranger.
5.  An old wizard, or a sexy, nearly naked hot witch covered in red tattoos.
6.  Some sort of robot.
7.  An animal that can talk/fight/do stuff.
8.  Someone who was on the opposing side. but is now on your side.  Usually a hot female general.
9.  A spunky kid who knows everything.
10.  Ninja.  There's always a ninja/martial artist type.

So when I saw a game called Ys VIII: Lacrimosa of Dana, (pronounced Ees (as in "Grease") Eight: Lack-Ri-Mow-Sa of Donna) I thought this would be my kind of RPG.

It was said to be a cross between Zelda, Harvest Moon, and a pirate type of adventure.  (Warning!  Spoilers ahead.!)

I liked the idea of a game about pirates, being lost at sea, crashing on a deserted island.  I also liked the idea of having to put a village together, growing your own food while searching for survivors of the shipwreck.  That sounded awesome.

Instead, it relied on too many RPG tropes.  But I'll give it this.  Instead of fighting an angry God at the end, you had to fight evolution.  Even the Wardens of Evolution tell you, "You can't fight it.  You just have to go with the flow.  No one can stop it.  I mean, unless you really want to?  Then you can just fight a bunch of stuff.  But, please!  Don't even try to do that!"

Of course, the plot of the story is you do just that.  So like everything else on the island, you end up fighting evolution.  Hence, you save the planet without them even realizing.  Then, you make your way off the island.  The End.

Don't get me wrong.  I liked the game.  Sometimes it was a little bit repetitive, but overall I liked it.  I just thought it was funny that they substituted "Evolution" for "God" this time.  Although I did find the nun character pretty funny.

First she's all devout and praying all the time.

Then she realizes she can't run well in her habit, so she makes a few "alterations."

Suddenly, she's the "sexy" nun, and I'm surprisingly okay with that.  I mean, she's still praying all the time.  She's just praying while showing a lot more skin.

The game is fun, but every now and then a big ass dinosaur shows up, and you have to run like hell.

Yeah, I'm still trying to figure out why a level 42 tyrannosaurus rex is right on the path when I'm only level 18?  It seems the only way to deal with it is to run like hell until you make it to the next screen.

Maybe I need a break from RPG's?  I hear the new Animal Crossing game is coming out soon.  I can waste a large part of my life that way.  It's called "New Horizons" and sounds like a good laid back game for me.  A little fishing.  A bit of building.  Hanging out by the beach.

Of course, if I really wanted to hang out by the beach I could just drive 25 miles West.  I mean, I do live in Florida.  Or if I really wanted to, I could hang out by the beach in Animal Crossing while lying on the beach in Florida.  Honestly, that sounds like something I would do.  I just have to remember my beach umbrella.

Adrian Gets Along With Women Online As Well As He Does In Real Life

There is a reason I am single.  I admit I am just a tad difficult to get along with.  I've also been told that my "Adrianess" is a little too strong for most people to take, including my own family.  So while I have female acquaintances, I don't have too many female friends.

This is mainly due to my lack of patience.  While most guys are used to talking rough to each other, when you do it to a woman, she gets really mad when you show irritation.  And let's be honest, I show my irritation on my sleeves. 

So what does this have to do with women online?  Well it starts with this little RPG online game called Wizard101.  I play it instead of World of Warcraft since Wizard101 is more family friendly, and has tighter controls on what players can do and say.  But since it is considered a "family friendly game a lot of kids play it.

Since I don't have kids, I'm not used to dealing with them.  I had kind of forgot that kids will be kids, and it's something you have to get used to.  I also have to remember that I am over two decades away from remembering how kids used to be.  Now kids have access to all sorts of technology that I didn't have growing up.

The thing that surprised me was how kids on Wizard101 would say they "needed a girl/boy."  I thought they needed someone to complete a mission.  What I didn't know was that the filters won't let you say "boyfriend/girlfriend."  So I went up to one girl who was looking for a boy, and had this conversation.

Adrian Lightheart (my game name):  I'm a boy, did you need help?

Her:  (No answer)

Adrian:  Did you need help with a mission?

Her:  I'm looking for a boy.

Adrian:  I'm a boy.

(Pointless banter goes on for a few minutes before this exchange):

Her:  Hey, you came up to me.

Adrian:  Yes I did.  You asked for help, and I came over here to help you with a mission.  And I am a boy.

Her:  I'm looking for a cute boy.

Interjection for a moment:  All of our characters look the same except for clothing, skin tint, and hair.

Adrian:  My dragon thinks I'm cute.

Interjection again.  I ride a giant dragon around the Wizard101 neighborhood.  It's like driving a 1970 Cadillac, in that, it's huge and everyone can see it for miles around.

Her:  Are you weird?

At that time another friend of mine transported to me, and asked for my help.  So I kind of left the conversation with the girl who didn't think I was cute.

But it was another conversation that showed I still had my way with women, in the only way Adrian knows how.  Badly.

So I became friends with this girl Hannah (her game name) on Wizard101.  She was nice, and was always interested in helping with my missions.  Actually she was happy to do any sort of game activity.  I think she liked to sit on the back of my dragon.  It's a two seater.  Honestly, here's a picture of one.  (Not me, but the picture of the dragon is the same so you can get the idea.)

 

 

So one night as I am playing we have the following conversation:

 

Hannah:  Do you have a girl(friend)?

 

Adrian:  No, I am single.  I don't have a girl.  I almost had a wife once.

 

Hannah:  I could be your girl.

 

Adrian:  Well, I am a lot older than you.  I'm old enough to be a Dad.  My age rhymes with "dirty sticks.'

 

(Sidenote:  Wizard101 won't let you type in numbers.  I don't know why.  Everyone just finds ways around the system.)

 

Hannah:  Well, it could just be for on here.

 

Adrian:  Society tends to frown on that.  People go to jail for that sort of thing.

 

Hannah:  Oh, okay.  Well goodnight Dad.

 

From the way she types and what she says I think she is around 10-12.  I also think she's in Europe due to the time she plays online. 

 

So one time we are playing, and I ask her if I can help her out with any quests.  Since she has helped out on a bunch of mine, I thought I could help her through hers since she is only level 11.  (Note: At this time I am level 33.)  Since she only wants to help on my missions I explain to her that her that at her levels she needs better armor and weapons.  I even take her to the best shop in the game, and explain that she doesn't have an amulet, ring, or knife equipped.  She could up her stats a lot by just equipping something.  She is also equipped with beginner's armor.  So I tell her to get better stuff from the Bazaar.

 

I explain this to her three times.  She just stands there and doesn't say anything to me.  This goes on for five minutes.  I then start to lose my patience. 

 

Adrian:  Hannah, are you there?

 

Hannah:  Yes.

 

Adrian:  Did you understand anything I just said?

 

Hannah:  (nothing.)

 

Adrian:  Because I feel like I am talking to a brick wall here.

 

And it right when that message got plastered on the screen that Hannah went running out of the Bazaar as fast as she could.  I didn't hear from her for a few minutes, but then I get this message:

 

Hannah:  I still wanna be friends, but I don't wanna play no more at this time.

 

Adrian:  Okay.

 

Hannah:  I'm going to be at my house.

 

(Sidenote:  We all have our own dorms or houses in the game.)

 

Adrian:  Okay.

 

A few minutes go by and I get this message.

Hannah:  Cry :(

 

So she is crying, and sending me a frowny face.  This is why I am single.  So I don't have to put up with over-emotional women.  Instead of sending a message enlightening her to the fact that "crying is emotional blackmail," I don't say anything.

 

Five minutes later she show up to where I am.  She wants to continue on the missions.  I ask her,

 

Adrian:  Are you mad or something.

 

Hannah:  No.

 

It's like the emotional hurricane of a PMSing woman meets a pre-teen.  It's not a pretty sight.  But the funny thing is she is still a good gaming partner/player.  And she just kind of goes with the flow when it comes to whatever mission is up next.  It really is it's own little world, and I've got to learn the rules of it.