I'm A Bike Guy Now

So I'm a bike guy now.  That right.  I bought a bike.  I'm going to go down the road with the wind in my oh so beautiful black hair. 

Of course, some of you may think I would look like this.

Of course, I have put on a few pounds over the years.  Some of you might think I look more like this.

I know some hot chicks will ask, "So you have a bike?  What kind is it?  Is it a Harley Dyna?"

"Is it the Honda Shadow Aero you always wanted?"

"Or did you get one of the new Triumph Bonneville's?" 

The truth is, I didn't buy a motorbike.  I bought a bicycle.  A Roadmaster Quarry Ridge 29.

To which the hot chick would reply, "What are you eight years old?"

Let me expound on this.  I have only had one bike in my life.  I let my sister's boyfriend borrow it when he lost his driver's license.  One day when he was returning home, it got a flat tire.  He "hid" it in the woods and planned to come back later and retrieve it.  By the time he did make it back it was already gone.  "Finder's keepers, Adrian's weepers."  Why he just didn't walk with it home, I'll never know.  He never told me.  My sister had to tell me after they broke up. 

So I wanted a bike.  I looked around but noticed a few problems.  Most men's mountain bikes had 24 or 26 inch tires.  A lot of the reviews said they were good for 14 year old boys, but not fully grown men.  I looked around some more, but realized I needed more information.  After all, I haven't had to look at bikes for over 15 years. 

I went to University Bike Shop.  I know they had been around a while.  I didn't realize it was since 1972.  I told the salesman named Rick that I didn't know anything about bikes, and he would have to talk to me like an eight year old.  His shop specialized in higher end bikes.  He had a lot of touring and really fast bikes. 

He asked me what my price point was.  I told him I had a bit of sticker shock in that, that bike over there cost more than my Ford Focus's blue book value.  After showing me the lowest priced new bikes, he asked if I was interested in a used bike.  I told him that since I was sure to crash into a few mailboxes, I would prefer a used bike. 

We went to a few places in the store.  He showed me a rack in the back, and there it was.  The bike that was just right.  It was a used Wal-Mart special.  A Roadmaster Quarry Ridge 29 men's mountain bike.  This one was big enough to handle my weight.  It also had 29 inch really wide tires.  That was important to me as this bike wouldn't turn on it's side when I rode it.  This one, unlike the bikes my friends had when we were kids, actually had front shocks on it. 

Admittedly, I paid a little more than I should have for this particular used bike, but there was a reason.  They set this bike up.  If I bought a bike, I would have needed it set-up, and that would cost $50.  So it was well worth it to me that they already had it properly set-up by guys who knew what they were doing. 

So look at it this way.  If I bought a bike on Craigslist for $40, I would have needed a $50 set-up.  Then I most likely would have needed to buy a few parts to replace any broken or worn parts on the bike.  That would have ended up costing me more than I spent on the bike.  Also, the bikes I looked at weren't as big as the Roadmaster. 

I mean, look at the size of that tire.  It's big and wide. 

 

Also, the bike has 18 gears.  That's 15 more gears than I need.  I was used to a bike with three gears.  I asked Rick if he had any bikes with just three gears.  He said, they don't make mountain bikes with just three gears.  Seriously, look at all these gears.

Also, look at the actual gears.

That's a lot of frickin' gears.  Rick told me to put it in third gear on the one side, and use gears, 4,5, and 6 on the other.  In other words, I'll use three gears.  Once I got home I took it for a ride.  And you know what?  I did exactly like Rick said, and it worked out just fine. 

I'll admit, I hadn't been on a bike in 15 years, and hadn't exercised in .... okay it's been a bit.  So a trip around the neighborhood was more than a little bit interesting.  The good news is that I didn't run into any mailboxes or parked cars.  I did have to yell at a squirrel to get out of my way.  He waited until the last moment to do so.  Furry rat.

My back is paying the price.  It's been giving me trouble for the last few years, so the bumps on the trail felt like giant speed bumps.  But I will hop back on the bike.  The first day is always the roughest.  Unless, the second day is.  In which case I will take it easy, and then work hard on the third day. 

I'm glad I have a bike and all, but unlike those motorcycle guys, I will never have biker chicks fawning over me.  That is my only regret.  That, and all those carbs.

Mama Said

When I was a young boy my Mother had a few rules for me.  Not just the usual ones like "don't pick your nose" and "don't fight with your Sister."  No, I'm talking the kind of rules that will get you disowned and thrown out of the house kind of rules.  If I wanted to live under Mom's roof there were three rules that could never be broken.

Rule 1.  No Motorcycles.

Honestly, and I'm not making this up, I didn't even ride a bicycle until I was 12.  I never even had my own bicycle until I was in my twenties.  My Mother was totally against motorcycles for many reasons.  First, anytime you ever heard about a motorcycle accident the rider ended up as road pizza.  She didn't want me either dead or in a coma.  Also, I don't think she wanted me to "associate" with the motorcycle crowd.  And to this day I have never owned a motorcycle.

Rule 2.  No Tattoos.

I guess you have to remember the era where my Mother came from.  Only really bad criminals had tattoos.  Heck, even back in the 60's, a woman couldn't get hired as a stripper if she had a tattoo.  Yes, only the most delinquent persons of society had tattoos on their skin.

While she was telling me all of this she made sure to let me know exactly how tattoos are done.  You have to imagine her telling a little kid all of this.  She asked me how I liked getting shots at the Doctor's office?  I told her that I really didn't like them.  She made sure to let me know that to put a tattoo on someone they used a machine that rammed a needle repeatedly into their skin.  Did that sound like fun to me?  Guess what, no it didn't.  And to this day I have no tattoos.

Rule 3.  No Banjos.

It's true.  My Mother hates the banjo.  It has such a bright and annoying twang that it's like nails on a chalkboard to her.  And while I have two cellos, a number of guitars, I have never owned a banjo.  I have worked on them.  I have even played them in music shops.  But I have never owned one, and never will.  It's not that I don't want to own one.  It's just that Mama said.

What Kind Of Motorcycle Guy Am I?

I was daydreaming like I usually do, and thought to myself, "What kind of motorcycle guy am I?"  This is pure speculation due to a number of reasons.  First, I can't ride a bicycle that well, so I am pretty sure that I would be terrible on a motorcycle.  Second, when I was born my Mother only had a few lifetime rules for me.  No tattoos, no banjos (seriously she hates banjos), and no motorcycles.  But I do think motorcycles are cool pieces of machinery.

The first rule in my imaginary search is no Harley Davidsons.  I'm sure 99% of people are yelling, "Get a Harley!"  But I refuse to spend one red cent on the following, 1. Buying a Harley.  2.  Buying aftermarket parts for a Harley.  3.  Supporting a Harley Dealership in any way.  Why you ask?  Well, I am usually pretty honest on my blog, but I can't go into too much detail publicly.  All I will say is that, I was screwed over pretty badly by a Harley dealership, and refuse to support their business in any way.

First up is the Honda Shadow Aero.

This is one that I really dig.  It's affordable, there are lots of parts for it, and it oozes what a bike should be.  I have actually sat on one, and it is a very comfortable bike.  The only drawback for me personally is that I like buying American automobiles.  The first vehicle I bought was a 1992 Saturn.  This was back when they were 100% made in America.  So the thought of owning a Japanese bike makes me question .... well myself.  Still, I can't deny that if I were to get a bike, it would most likely be a Honda Shadow Aero.

Next up is a bike that was suggested to me by a friend.  If I wanted something to increase my indie cred, I would need an indie bike.  A vintage Triumph.

I took these pictures when I was on vacation.  Someone had a personal museum of motorcycles, including a number of Triumph Motorcycles.  I'll admit, I would dig having a classic motorcycle.  What I wouldn't dig is all the maintenance that a vintage bike would require.

There is another great bike company that is coming out with some really great products.  They have a touch of classic combines with modern engineering.  Also known as the other American Motorcycle Co., Indian Motorcycles.

They are American, beautiful, tough, and just an overall great bike.  The only problem for me would be the cost.  I can buy a house for what one of these bikes cost.  Still, if this is simply a theoretical argument, then I would definitely consider an Indian bike.

Now, if I am dreaming, or daydreaming in my case, I can't overlook the Vincent Black Shadow.

Okay maybe not that one.  All of those are in museums somewhere.  Besides, I know what Hunter S. Thompson had to say about them.

There is a fundamental difference, however, between the old Vincents and the new breed of superbikes. If you rode the Black Shadow at top speed for any length of time, you would almost certainly die. That is why there are not many life members of the Vincent Black Shadow Society.

But the good news is that they are making a new Vincent Black Shadow.

But again, if I thought the Indian was expensive, I don't even want to know the cost of one of these bikes.  Still, it is pretty badass while keeping a ton of indie street cred.  This bike is so nice, I don't even know if I would want to put it on the street.  But that would kind of defeat the purpose of getting one.

Now that I think about it.... This is a pretty deep daydream.  I'll be honest, I don't know a lot about motorcycles, but I do know I like them.  I think it's in the same vein of someone who likes guitars, but doesn't know how to play.  They may not know what a chord is, but they know that they like the music. 

So I know I won't be able to get a motorcycle any time soon, but I can always daydream, and I can always blog about it.