Duck Tales: That Shouldn't Have Worked

The other day I was thinking about one of the craziest duck hunting trips I ever took.  After thinking about it, I realized I hadn't written about it on this blog.  What follows is not only a great "Duck Tale," but also a hand drawn map to explain everything in further detail.

My Father and I used to duck hunt at Cockroach Bay out of Ruskin, Fl.  And yes, that really is it's name.  Despite the name, it's an amazing estuary where the Little Manatee River flows into the Bay.  All sorts of wildlife lives there, whether it be fish, birds, or plant life.  I've seen a flight of Rosette Spoonbills sitting in the mangroves a number of times.

Of course, Dad and I were there to duck hunt.  We had our favorite island that we always hunted at.  Depending on the tide, the water around the island could be anywhere from six inches deep to three feet deep.  Usually it was about a foot and a half to two feet deep.  Just perfect for ducks.

Below I've drawn a rough map of our hunting spot.  I've marked, "Our Island," as well as, our decoy spread.  We would run two rows of candy cane shaped decoys out from our duck blind.

The trick to duck hunting is to get up insanely early.  The idea, is that, you want to have your decoys out before it's light out.  So getting up at 4 AM is not uncommon.

This particular morning everything went as planned.  From the time we got up to the time we were in our blind everything went as planned.  So Dad and I were sitting in the dark waiting for daybreak.  Once the first few rays started shining through I noticed that we had ducks.  Although, they were on the shore about 250-300 yards away from us.

Duck hunting regulations say we can only use steel shot in our shotguns, so our range is limited at about 40 yards.  We actually put the last decoys out at 40 yards so we can judge our distance.  If the ducks are beyond the decoys we know not to shoot at them.

Well, the sun starts shining through, and I notice what appears to be quite a few ducks setting up... at the shore away from us.  Fifteen minutes go by, and I can hear them quacking across the water.  This is usually when we would have a few ducks come over to our decoys.  However, none were making their way over.

A half hour goes by, and the sun is now up.  About 100 ducks are over at the shore.  A group of bluebills swims near our decoys, but they are still out of range.  I'd say the closest they ever got to us was about 70 yards.  Again, that's way too far for steel shot.

By this time, from the time we first saw the ducks it had been one solid hour.  Not one duck had come over to our decoys.  Now there were at least 200 ducks over on the shore.  There might have been upwards of 250 ducks.  When there are that many it's kind of hard to judge.

I could see Dad was getting frustrated.  As long as he had been hunting nothing like this had ever happened to him.  Suddenly, a thought came to my mind.  I said, "Dad, how about I shoot one shot into the air to scare the ducks up?"  Dad replied with, "I don't care."  Dad never talked to me like that.  But it just goes to show you how frustrated he was.

I said, "Okay, but let's get a few things organized.  I took shotgun shells from my box, and lined them up so I could quickly grab them.  I then held one shell in my hand so I could quickly reload after shooting.  I then asked, "Are you ready?"  Dad said, "Sure."  Again, he was a bit frustrated.

So I aim up high and straightaway, and I pulled the trigger.  What happened next could only be called a mass exodus from the shore.  Ducks started swarming all over the place.  It took about a minute, but some of the ducks swung back over our island, and dropped in our decoys.  And as you would expect, we blasted the snot out of them.

But our second round of shooting caused something else to happen.  The ducks we had driven off the shoreline with the first shot had flown to another spot as expected.  But when we shot a second time those ducks started flying again.  And wouldn't you know they came over to our decoys.

Dad didn't even have time to get out of the boat to go pick up ducks.  They kept coming in waves so we kept shooting.  After about 10 minutes Dad was able to go our and retrieve our ducks.  Again, most of them were about 20-25 yards from us.  Dad barely made it back into the boat before the next wave of ducks dropped into our decoys.

Again, we started knocking them off the water, and out of the sky.  We were shooting green wing and blue wing teal.  Back then the Florida FWC rules said we could shoot ten of them each if we didn't shoot anything else.  It was on a point system which was kind of weird and hard to explain.  The short version, is that, we were allowed 10 teal a day per hunter.

So, going back to the beginning of that morning, we sat in our duck blind for a solid hour without even thinking of taking a shot.  After I fired that first shot to stir the ducks up, it only took us about 20 minutes to limit out.  That's right.  We managed to shoot our 20 teal.

I think back on that hunting trip, and the only think that comes to mind is, "I can't believe that worked?  I mean, I can't really believe that worked?"  I could have easily scared all the ducks away, and we might have never seen another one that day.  Any number of things could have happened.  But as luck had it, we managed to have one of our best hunting days ever.  

That trip really stuck out to me.  If you've ever watched a hunting program you'll hear them say, "It's not so much about the hunt as it is the memories."  And that's definitely the case with that trip.  It reminds me on "Family Guy" when they had the segment called, "Damn Nature!  You Scary!"  Yes, nature can be scary, but it can also be really weird.  And this trip fell into the weird category.

Douche Canoe: The Tale of the Worst Outdoorsman I Ever Met

It occurred to me that I hadn't told one of my classic, "Tales of Old" in a while.  When I started this blog it was about destruction.  But after about ten blogs of destruction for fun and profit I thought I should expand into other ideas.  I ended up writing posts about all the weird things that have happened to me.  I just haven't done it in a while.

So, it's time for me to tell the story of the "Douche Canoe."  Yes, this is the story of the worst, most stupidest, outdoorsman I have ever met.  Let me start at the beginning.  Dad and I were out duck hunting at Cockroach Bay.  It's out of Ruskin, Florida.

I have drawn a map to help everyone out.  As you can see Dad and I would make our blind in an small island.  The water around the island was anywhere from one to three feet deep.  It depended upon the tides.  Here's my hand drawn map.

We would lay out our decoys in candy cane patterns.  The mallard, pintail and Florida mallard decoys were laid out to the left.  The green and blue wing teal decoys were laid out to the right.  We would put them out forty yards since that is the furthest a hunter would want to shoot at ducks.

We would try to be in our duck blind just before 7 AM since 7 - 8 AM is the best time for duck hunting.  That day, we had seen a few ducks flying around, usually about 300 - 500 yards out.  We tried calling a few in to no avail.  Now just because ducks weren't coming in didn't mean other birds weren't coming into the decoys.  We always had kingfishers flying by.  Storks, cormorants, ibises, blue herons, and other wadding birds would drop by. 

However, at 8:30 AM all wildlife movement stopped.  Nothing was coming near.  Heck, no wildlife was even on the horizon.  Now, I sat on the left hand side of the blind.  Dad sat on my right.  As I looked as far left as I could, I saw something I had never seen.  It was an idiot in a fishing boat within 120 yards of our blind.

I said to Dad, "Surely he can see our decoys?"  It's standard outdoor courtesy that if you see duck decoys you avoid them because that means there are duck hunters trying to duck hunt.  I mean, it's just common sense.  Especially since duck hunters are shooting guns, and you want to stay out of shooting distance.  Again, this is not a hard thing.

So this guy comes around the island in a flats boat.  He's operating a trolling motor while casting a fishing rod.  I keep saying to Dad, "He has to see us, right?"  Dad said he had been duck hunting since the early 70's and never had anyone do something like this.  So I blew my duck call at the boater.  But he kept coming around the island.  I blew my duck call again.  Still, the guy kept fishing out there.

Of course, I don't have explain that no birds or wildlife were coming anywhere near us due to this moron being out there.  I'll admit, I can be an angry guy.  I said to Dad that if the boater didn't get the hint with the duck calls, maybe I should shoot a few shots across his bow.  Dad, of course, wanted to handle the situation in a calmer way.

So Dad made a point of putting his gun down.  He waded out to where the guy was fishing.  Like the map shows the boater was only 120 yards from us.  So Dad wades out and nicely lets the guy know that we are duck hunting.  The guy says, and I'm not kidding, "Are you having any luck?"  I'm sitting in the blind, and I can hear the conversation.  The guy's comment caught Dad off guard.  The boater also said that, "He wondered why the ducks weren't flying away?"  Yeah, that's because they're decoys.  Seriously, I'm not making this up.

Honestly, Dad was being too nice.  I felt like yelling from the blind, "Tell the fuckwad to get out of shooting distance!!!"  But I didn't.  So Dad comes back to the blind believing he got his point across.  So we sit there for another ten minutes.  The douche canoe keeps fishing behind our decoys.  I asked, "Does this guy have a death wish?"  I'm not going to lie.  I was getting very upset.  I was really considering shooting pretty close to his boat and yelling, "Duck!!!"

Dad told me, "We have to share the outdoors.  And if we start shooting at people it will give all hunters a bad name."  But Dad had also had enough.  He said if the moron was going to ruin our hunting he would ruin his fishing.  So Dad set his gun down again.  He waded rather noisily towards the boat.  The guy tried moving away with his trolling motor, but it wasn't that strong of a motor.

So Dad had another conversation with the guy.  To be honest.  It was just like Jerry Seinfeld, a conversation about nothing.  So Dad talks to him for a few minutes.  It was a bit tense, but cordial.  After the conversation Dad waded back to the blind, and the moron boated away from the island.  This whole event took around twenty minutes.  By this time it was almost 9 AM.

Dad and I would usually hunt until 10 AM.  After 10 AM, the wildlife decided to take a nap.  So that's why we stopped hunting at 10 AM.  However, after the boater had hung around our decoys, nothing was coming near us.  So at 9:30 AM we decided to pack it in.  We never fired a shot that day.  We never had a duck come near us.  It was decidedly one of our worst days duck hunting.

I am still hostile about the whole situation to this day.  I can't believe anyone could possibly be that stupid or uncaring.  Here's some sage advice, if you are within 100 yards of ducks and they aren't moving, they're decoys.  I still think I should have fired a few shots across his bow.  But if he didn't get the hint with decoys and a visit, I don't know if shotgun fire was going to work either.  

Raining on Thanksgiving.

As Thanksgiving is approaching, I am reminded of my Thanksgiving memories.  Namely, that the winter duck hunting season started on Thanksgiving.  It gave hunters a chance to bring home a duck for Thanksgiving dinner.

Since my Dad was a mailman he worked six days a week.  One of the few holidays he had off was Thanksgiving.  So it was the one day we could go hunting. 

We would always hope for bad weather since ducks seem to love bad weather.  Seriously, the worse the weather is, the more duck hunters show up.  It really is the opposite of good decision making. 

So a typical day would be getting up at 4 AM, head out the door at 5 AM, make it to Cockroach Bay (Yes that's it real name.  It's in Ruskin, Fl.)  by 6 AM, take the boat to our spot, and have the decoys set up by 7 AM.  Then we would sit in the rain and wind with guns on our laps hoping some ducks would fly into the decoys.

What's funny is that it was usually really active from 7:15 AM to 8 AM, and then maybe a few up until 9 AM.  Then, nothing.  It was like all the wildlife would stop from 9 until 10 AM.  Once 10 AM came around you might get a few show up until 11 AM.  But once 11 AM hit, it was over.  The ducks day was over until sunset. 

So we would then pack up at 11 AM.  We would then pick up all the decoys, and make it back to the dock at 12 Noon.  Then we would make it back to the house at 1 PM where the two of us would clean all the saltwater off of everything.  This also included making sure the guns were oiled really well.  Saltwater is really rough on guns.  And if we actually did manage to hit any ducks, this would be the point where we would clean them.

Then it would be time for Thanksgiving dinner between 3 and 4 PM.  That would be the perfect time to eat, and start watching the Detroit Lions get their butts kicked on TV. 

So you can see just how eventful Thanksgiving was for us.  And for the photographic evidence, feast your eyes upon this:

Yep, that's me in 1991 with a blue wing teal.  I was 15 at the time.  And I still use that same shotgun to this day.  In fact, I still have that same coat.  It's the coat I use when it's just a bit cool out hunting, but not overly cold.  Although, I do have better choice in headwear these days.

The Amazingly True Story of How Adrian Got His One And Only Wood Duck

The following is the absolute truth.  Something that has not been told until now.  A gigantic white lie has been told in it's place.  That is, until now. 

This story starts years ago.  It's starts with a morning out duck hunting.  Dad and I went to Cockroach Bay, and shot 3 blue and/or green wing teal.  I'm a little fuzzy on the details, but I remember we brought back three teal.

To get home we would take I-75 North to the last Tampa exit which was Fletcher Ave.  As we would drive West on Fletcher Ave we would pass Lettuce Lake Park.  That's where the real story begins. 

You see, Dad and I were talking about all sorts of various things, mostly baseball, the outdoors, and hunting.  Dad was in the middle of a sentence when this happened.  Dad was saying something like, "Blah, blah, blah, AND THAT WAS FUCKING WOOD DUCK!!!!"

He then proceeded to swing the truck into the left lane, and then into a left hand turn lane.  He did all of this in one motion from the right hand lane, mind you, with the truck pulling our duck hunting boat.  He then went back East, and did another U turn.  He drove on the shoulder of the road where he pulled up to a dead wood duck on the side of the road.

As he was driving he proceeded to tell me he saw a wood duck on the side of the road, and it looked like it was in perfect condition.  So I jumped out of the truck with a towel in my hand just in case it was a bloody mess.  I picked it up and it was perfect.  Perfect.  It had amazing colors, and not one feather was missing.  It seems that it lived at the Park, and was either flying/walking near the road when it got hit by a car.  It was stiff, so that meant it was a few hours dead, most probably hit during the early morning.  However, it only had two ants on it, so that let me know that it hadn't been there long.

I brought it up to Dad, and showed him how good a shape the duck was in.  I was very careful with it, and put it into the freezer as soon as I got home.  We wanted to get it mounted, but we had to get Mom's approval as taxidermy is expensive.  So we told her a little white lie.  We had just come back from duck hunting right?  We had three teal, and one wood duck.  We had 4 wood duck decoys right?  So it stood to reason that the Wood Duck went to the Wood Duck decoys, and I shoot it, right?  That makes perfect sense.  So that's what we told Mom.  She was more than happy to okay us getting the duck mounted.

We took it to our world famous taxidermist, Gene Dobbs.  He said of all the Wood Ducks he had seen, that one was the second best one that had come across his desk.  He got it done in a quick amount of time which was nice.  As famous as he was, he always had a backlog of work.  But he decided one day to do every duck he had, as he was getting behind in his work, so the Wood Duck got done early. 

And now for the moment of truth, or should I say, moment of proof.  Here's the pictures of the Wood Duck.

Inside the Secret World of Adrian's Hunting Adventures, Part 3

Back to the fun videos.  But first, why the duck you ask?  I just feel like a curious duck most of the time.  But seriously.

Clip 9.  While cleaning the hog I run into an old wishing well/ old timey water pump.  Then, hilarity ensues. 

Clip 10.  Out on the Hickory Mound inpoundment we run into a gator sunning himself on a sunny day.

Clip 11.  At the very end of our trip we were driving out of our hunting area.  It was then we found out where the hogs were hanging out at.  Right in the middle of the road.

I hope you enjoyed the insider's look at what really goes on during hunting season.  And remember, the Weasel is always right.