Death, Grief, and Memorial: The Passing of Curtis Johnson in Three Parts

Death, Grief, and Memorial: The Passing of Curtis Johnson in Three Parts

Part 1: Death

I was ten years old working on math problems when something unexpected came up.  As a fifth grade student at Lassie C. Shaw Elementary I was used to routine.  It was always in this order: Language Arts, Lunch, Math, Science, and then go home.  The routine never changed.  

I was having a good day.  For some reason I had hit a groove.  I was knocking out math problems one after another like it was nothing.  But seemingly out of nowhere the entire 1986-1987 fifth grade classes were called to an assembly.  I saw the look of heartbreak on all the teacher's faces.  I immediately started looking for Curtis Johnson.

Curtis was a classmate of mine.  He had been battling childhood leukemia since he was two years old.  Curtis was not in attendance that day.  That's when I realized it before the teachers even said anything.  Curtis Johnson had passed away from cancer that morning.  

My teacher, Mr. Thomas Neal, had tears in his eyes as he made the announcement.  Some kids were in shock.  Others cried silently.  Others like Nichole Redman, who I had crush on ever since I met her, were balling their eyes out.  Her and a group of three girls around her completely broke down.  

Mr. Rotolo, a teacher who I have always had immense respect for, told all the students something profound.  He said, "Those you remember are never truly gone."  Mr. Rotolo taught like a college professor before I knew how college professor's taught.  He was a truly amazing teacher who honestly cared about students.  He came across like a father figure that day.  As you can tell I still appreciate him to this day. 

The fifth grade classes went back to their schoolwork that day, but not too much was expected.  Me?  I just stuck to my classwork.  It kept me from thinking too much about Curtis's passing.  Like all ten year old males I didn't want to cry in front of my classmates.  Although, I will say this.  Nothing was ever said about anyone who did cry at Curtis's passing.  

I always knew that there was a possibility of Curtis dying from cancer.  I had known he had battled it for a long time.  There were times he wouldn't come to school for a week or more.  On average, he would attend school two days a week.

He was the one student who was allowed to wear a hat.  As you can guess it was because he had no hair.  In fact, the entire time I knew him he never had hair.  Once, a substitute teacher asked why he was wearing a hat.  He explained his condition.  She understood, and was completely fine with him continuing to wear his hat.  

Part 2: Grief

I can't remember if it was the next day or a few days later, but Curtis's Mom Loretta came to visit our classroom.  Again, there were tears.  She was very calm and a pillar of strength for a bunch of ten/ eleven year old kids who needed someone to lean on.  

She explained that, "Curtis was no longer in pain.  He was in Heaven where the cancer couldn't ravage his body anymore."  Curtis had been in a pain a long time.  He was thin, and as you would expect, he had trouble eating.  He didn't have the energy to expend during Phys. Ed.  Seeing what cancer did to Curtis really taught me firsthand what a horrible thing cancer was/is.  

I was very thankful for Mrs. Johnson coming to our classroom that day.  I don't believe I said anything to her.  Honestly, I didn't know what to say.  She had a number of crying students holding onto her all at the same time.  I think it was the first time most of our class had to face death.  

I know as college students we are introduced to different philosophies of the world.  One of the major themes is death.  Death is such a complicated thing to think about for adults.  Can you imagine what it's like for ten and eleven year old children experiencing it for the first time?  It's like your head and heart were both simultaneously hit with a sledgehammer.  It's completely overwhelming.  So I thank Mrs. Johnson for helping my fifth grade class try to make sense out of a senseless death.  

Part 3: Memorial

After Curtis's funeral our fifth grade teachers decided that we should have a memorial for Curtis's family.  A few of Curtis's friends would speak, as well as, some of the teachers and administration.  We would then plant a tree in Curtis's memory.  The other thing that was decided was that the entire fifth grade class (about 150 of us) would sing Ray Steven's song, "Everything is Beautiful" at the memorial.  

My Mother happened to have Ray Steven's Greatest Hits on cassette tape.  So I bought it to school so our music teacher Mrs. Saws could teach it to all the kids.  Now, if you notice when you listen to "Everything is Beautiful" it starts off with the song, "Jesus Loves the Little Children."  However, we weren't going to sing that part.  When I asked Mrs. Saws about it she said it was a "copywrite issue."

Now that I'm older I know that's not true.  It's because it's not exactly a non denominational song in case you couldn't tell by the title.  Mrs. Saws was a hardcore Christian.  As in, she would spend half of music period ranting and raving about the bible.  

So I'm not really sure why she didn't tell me the truth.  I thought she would have been more than happy to give me her thoughts on the subject.  Looking back on it, I'm sure she had been given a good talking to from the administration about the song.  

So when the day of Curtis's memorial came, his entire extended family showed up.  From young cousins all the way up to elderly relatives in wheelchairs, everyone showed up.  I'll admit, it kind of caught me off guard.  I expected a few relatives.  I didn't expect about thirty or more.  Mrs. Johnson spoke at the memorial.  It's been so long that I can't remember what she said, but I remember her words being both kind and inspirational.  

Then one thing happened that the teachers didn't expect.  As the memorial went on and on a lot of kids began to cry.  I'm not shaming them for crying.  What was supposed to happen was at the end of the memorial all the fifth graders were supposed to sing, "Everything is Beautiful."  But now, over half of them were crying and couldn't sing at all.  

Also, when our collective classes practiced singing it was indoors.  The memorial was held outside because we were planting a tree in Curtis's memory.  So now you have half the class not singing because they are crying.  Those who are singing sound dreadful because they are trying to hold back tears.  And since we are outside the volume is not near as loud as it was inside.  

Honestly, it was terrible.  I tried to sing extra loud to make up for others not being able to sing, but I can't make up for 75 people not being able to sing.  It was the saddest, most heartbroken version of "Everything is Beautiful" that I will ever hear in my life.  I'm just sad that Curtis's family had to hear that.  I'm sure they understood.  However, what they heard at the memorial was nothing like what we did at practice.  We actually sounded pretty good practicing. 

I haven't been by Lassie C. Shaw Elementary School in a few years.  I wonder if Curtis's tree is still standing there?  It's been over thirty years now.  It was only about four feet tall when it was planted.  If it's still standing there it's probably over thirty feet tall by now.  

Honestly, I wonder if there's anyone there who knows the history of the tree?  I can't remember if a plaque was ever placed by the tree?  Again, it's been over thirty years.  In my heart I hope someone knows.  As Mr. Rotolo said, "A person is never truly gone as long as you remember them."