Monday, July 30, 2012

The 80's Attack! Movie Review: The Adventures of Hercules 2

So here it is.  Late night on a Sunday.  Nothing good comes is on TV when it is technically Monday at 2:00 AM.  But then, I spot something on Showtime Family.  Something that came from the 80's.  My childhood reborn.  The Adventures of Hercules staring Lou Ferrigno.  (1985.)

Here's the funny thing.  This is not the movie that I thought I remembered.  That was "Hercules."  Also staring Lou Ferrigno.  I'm not sure if I ever saw this one.  This one is much, much worse, and a lot cheesier.

Here's the highlights.

This would make a great drinking game.

Dude, was that a chick with a codpiece?

Hey, the actors lips don't line up with their mouths.

The sets look like they were designed by high school kids in their shop class.  The same goes for the costumes.  Maybe the 3rd shift in a Korean factory.

80's hair!

80's makeup!

80's boobs!!!!!  Big but natural.

The acting is worse than 70's porn, but better than 80's porn.

I know these "special effects" are cost tens of dollars back then..... but it's just hilarious today.  They are overusing the laser lights that TRON used.  Maybe they are borrowed laser effects from the 60's studio guys who did the original "Star Trek."

Seriously reduced budget from the first movie.  The guys from GWAR have better costumes.  (Honestly)

Seriously, I've got to get this on DVD, and then get a bottle of something.  This would be a great movie to drink to.  I wouldn't recommend LSD or pot because I don't believe in doing illegal drugs.  Only the legal ones.  Therefore, I would suggest some form of pain killer that you could only get from your doctor.  Then this movie would be really great.

Oh this is interesting.  Zeus, King of all Gods, is on the moon.  Yea Moon God!

They totally ripped off the "Clash of the Titans" Medusa scene.  It just wasn't as good, and that's a bit of an understatement.

So the main point of this movie is that four Gods have stolen seven lightning bolts from Zeus, and if he doesn't get them back the Moon will crash into the Earth.  Okay.

During the final fight, King Minos turns into a giant laser beam T-Rex.  Hercules turns into a giant laser beam gorilla.  Honestly, even I can't make this up.

Ooh, I can get both from Amazon for only $9.89.  I know what a bunch of people are getting me for my birthday.

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