Sunday, April 15, 2012

The Serial Killer at Cafe Kili is Really Annoying Me

So there's this nice little coffee and tea shop named Cafe Kili in Tampa (Temple Terrace area.)  The owners are friendly, the place is clean, prices are more than fair, and the smoothies are to die for.  (Note:  The banana smoothie I ordered was probably the best I have ever had in my life.)

A couple of my friends like to go to their open mic night for musicians, artists, and poets.  I went there one time, and have not been back.  Why you ask?  Because there is this one guy who I'm sure is a serial killer that hangs out there..... all the time.  Seriously, the guy even looks like Ted Bundy.

I can't be sure that he is a serial killer.  I have to play the game of whether he is a serial killer, sex offender, or a regular pervert.  Or maybe a not so regular pervert.

Now I realize that many of you are wondering, "what did he do?"  Well he was bugging this one gal, and I could see the fear in her eyes.  She was thankful that there were 50 or so people around.  I ended up asking her, "Well, he wasn't a serial killer now, was he?"  She said, "You noticed that too?"  The vibe this guy gives off is so far above creepy, there isn't a word for it.

Three different people I claim as friends, all who have much more patience than me, can't stand the guy either.  They all say the same thing.  He criticizes all the performers at open mics.  He acts like he's got all this talent.  He's also kind of pushy to go along with being snobby.  I mean, the man is not subtle.  

Okay, so he may not be a serial killer, but I am sure he is on the sex offenders website.  I am sure all of you are asking, "Well why don't you look him up if you are so sure?"  This reminds me of what the comedian Louis C.K. said, "Don't ever look on the sex offender registry.  You will make yourself paranoid with how many sex offenders there are around you."  But seriously, if I get that guy's name I am so going to look him up, and hand his info over to the owners.

Maybe if he wasn't such a dick no one would complain.  It's not like he's as likable as Herbert.

I actually imagine him as a gross, deformed asshole who sucks the life out of anything near him.  Kind of like a dementor.  But now that I think about it, he's more like the Nosferatu.  A perverted Nosferatu.

I wish that the owners would have kicked him off the property by now.  I can't make them do that.  However, I think that guy is scaring off customers.  Until then, I won't be going back to Cafe Kili.

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