So Gordon Ramsey May Have A Sex Tape...

Oh yes, it is strange thing.  It seems that Gordon Ramsey may have a sex tape, and get this, it's with his mistress, not his wife.  For those who don't know, Gordon Ramsey is the abusive chef from the TV shows Hell's Kitchen and two versions of Kitchen Nightmares.

I personally like Chef Ramsey, but even I think he is over the top sometimes.  But I can't stand behind him having what is reported to be a 7 year long affair with a woman who wrote a how-to book for women to have affairs with married men.  She is kinda hot though.

But let's get into the real meat of the story.  What would a Gordon Ramsey sex tape sound like?  Never mind what it would look like.  What kinds of things would the Chef yell at his sex partner?  This is some of the things I think he would yell.

1.  What the fuck is that?  I've seen better tits on a Thai shemale!!!

2.  You call that a blow job?  I've had better suction from a Hoover vacuum cleaner.

3.  Seriously, you have a boring twat.  I've had more friction from a common potato chip.

4.  Seriously, has any man ever cum from what you call "giving head?"

5.  Try not to use all your teeth on it, will you?

6.  I've heard better moaning from cows.

7.  Is that how you normally put on your makeup, or did you make it a special occasion to look like a French prostitute?

8.  Anal sex with you is exactly what I expected it to be.  Shitty.

9.  Honey, in that leather you do not look like a dominatrix, you look like a retarded gimp.

10.  Why do I feel that your twat has more diseases than the average crack whore?

I have a feeling that a Chef Ramsey sex tape would probably be the most entertaining sex tape out there.  The man is a virtual encyclopedia of insults.  I know he doesn't want it out there, but I gotta admit, I really want to see it.