Saturday, January 2, 2016

The Enemy Within

This story spans over a decade.  It is a tale of how long anger can last.  Anger is and always will be my enemy within.  It is something I have struggled to control.  Most of the important things in my life have been lost to anger.  This story will demonstrate that.

Back in 2004, I had a bit of a situation during a CUUPS service at the Unitarian Church.  And by "situation" I mean something I don't want to put in print on my blog.  Anyway, I was trespassed from the property by the main guy in charge, Ollis.

Now, I know what you are thinking, "What in the cold Hell do you have to do to get banned by a U.U. Church?"  I know, it's like Friday and getting fired on your day off.  I'll admit, I screwed up royally.  Which leads most people to ask, "No, seriously.  What the ever-loving fuck do you have to do to get thrown out by the most liberal religion in the U.S.?"

And again, I'm not going to talk about it.  Just know I was trespassed from the property, and have never been back in over 11 years.

I'll admit, I did have a problem with Ollis, the main guy in charge of CUUPS.  So, back then, I wrote Ollis an e-mail, and said that I was okay with the punishment, but other people should be thrown out too.  He never answered back.  All the crap fell squarely on me.

Back in 2011, after one of the services, I met up with some friends at the I-HOP across the street from the church.  Ollis and some of his group showed up.  We never spoke to each other.  It was cold.  I mean, there was some serious tension in the air. 

Back then, some of them wanted to ask Ollis on my behalf if I could come back.  I don't them not to bother because of the tension between us.  There would be no reason he would ever let me back.

So fast forward to October of 2015.  My friend Candie invited me to her wedding that would take place, (dah, dah!) at the U.U. Church.  So I have to tell her that I can't come since I am still trespassed from the property.  She said that she would talk to Ollis.  Low and behold, I was okayed to attend her wedding.

After the wedding I interrogated her on how it all went down.  Let's just say it didn't go the way I thought it did.  This is what Candie said happened.

Candie:  (Speaking to Ollis)  "Do you remember Adrian?"

Ollis:  "No."

Sidebar.  Wait a minute.  So all that coldness at the I-HOP?  It wasn't because of what he thought of me.  It was because he had no idea who I was.  He didn't know who I was.  I can't believe this.

Back to the conversation.

Candie:  I want him at my wedding.  It is alright if he attends?

Ollis:  Sure.

Sidebar.  So no wheeling and dealing?  I was really expecting some sort of wheeling and dealing, but no.  She got me there in what had to be the shortest conversation of her life.

Then, at the wedding today Ollis asks Candie, "Do you know that guy wearing the suit in the corner?"

She had to tell him, "Yes, that's Adrian."

He had no idea what I looked like.  So all this anger I've been carrying?  I figured that Ollis was carrying the same for me.  He wasn't.  He didn't even remember me, or remember what I looked like.  Wow.  I don't know what to think.  It's kind of changed my view on how one deals with anger.  I guess I will have to reevaluate mine.

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