Thursday, September 12, 2013

Adrian Guy, Superstar

I have been debating on whether I should tell this story publicly or not.  It's another one of my great practical jokes that kind of went too far.  As funny as it is, I really don't want anyone to pull this stunt.  But I will leave that judgment with the readers.  So please laugh, but don't do this.  You could find yourself in trouble.

It all started when I went to see my Doctor.  It was a usual checkup sort of thing.  However, I had an idea brewing for some time.  The Doctor's office sees sick people, but what if they saw a really, mentally sick person?

So I walk into the office all nice and normal.  The receptionist asks my name, and I answer with a straight face, "Jesus Christ."

She said, "Huh?"

I then said, "Jesus Christ?  You may have heard of me?  You know, your Lord and Savior?"

She then said, "No really, what is your name?"

Which I replied, "You know it might be listed under Jesus of Nazareth?  How about Son of God?"

She started to mumble, and then just got confused.

That's when I said, "You know sometimes they get it mixed up with my Mother, Mary.  Try Mary of Nazareth."

At this point I just kept the B.S. going.  "Sometimes they get my chart mixed up with my Stepdad, Joseph.  Try Joseph of Nazareth."

The receptionist was completely confused at this point, so at that point I slowed it down a bit.

"Okay, are you sure you have nothing for Jesus Christ?  You know, I died for you sins?  They nailed me to a tree, stuck me in a cave, and I came back three days later?"

At this point the waiting room had gone eerily silent.  And very, very tense.  People were starring without trying to stare.  The receptionist couldn't speak, and was starting to panic.  You know when something bad happens and people are supposed to choose fight or flight?  Well, right before that some people will freeze up, and that's what she did.  She totally froze up.

I didn't want her to scream, panic, or call the cops so I broke the silence.

"Just kidding.  I'm Adrian, your 2:30."

This huge sigh of relief came over her face.  One of the people in the waiting room also let out a big sigh and said, "I thought you were an escaped mental patient." 

When I sat down in the waiting room this 300 pound, beast of a woman said in the most redneck accent, "You're mean." 

You could really see the mouse was not turning the wheel in her head that fast.  So I said, "Nah, I'm fun."

"You're fun?"  Again in a weird Plant City redneck accent. 

"Oh yeah, I'm a barrel of monkeys." 

I then had to confess to my Doctor that I was harassing his staff with a good natured joke.  It didn't seem to bother him.  I think he was alright with it.

I do want to let it be known that the next time I was in the office I brought the receptionist flowers and an apology.  I wanted to let her know it was all in good fun.

So I don't know if it was my best practical joke I ever pulled, but it's definitely in my top five.  Again, I don't recommend anyone pulling this on their Doctor's office unless you want the loony wagon called on you.  Unless of course you are Tom Green.  I think Tom Green could get away with it. 

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