Tuesday, January 1, 2013

I Possess The Chamberlain High School Library Door Handle

This is Elsa Tuggle.

She is one of the worst human beings that I have ever encountered.  She is also responsible for my expulsion from Chamberlain High.  You could say I still harbor some bitter feelings about that.  She was always on my case for one reason or another.  Seriously, she once suspended me for one day for cursing.  Really, one day.  She didn't give me detention or even Saturday detention.  No, she suspended me for one day.

Before you think that I had to really stalk her to get that photo of her listen to this.  I just typed her name into google image, and that popped right up at the top.  It weren't that hard.  Besides that is her photo from the Hillsborough County School website. 

But back to the point.  I think I knew that she was going to find a way to get rid of me somehow.  In the end she pulled this stunt to get my "special assignment" to Chamberlain canceled, so it automatically sent me back to King Sr. High.  So before I was kicked out I took a piece of Chamberlain with me.  That would be the Chamberlain High Library door handle.

You see, one Fall day in 1992, during lunch me and my friend (redacted) were walking to the library.  When I grabbed the handle it partially came out.  Me and my friend walked in the library, but the only thing on my mind was that door handle.  I said, "(redacted), I've got to have that door handle."  I went out, put my foot against the door, grabbed the handle, and pulled straight out.  To my surprise it came right out.  That's when (redacted) almost fell on the ground he was laughing so hard.  I stashed it in my bag, and brought it home. 

When I transferred to King Sr. High I showed my trophy off to some of my new friends.  They were impressed/ amused/ scared to death.  Really, you might have had to know me back then.  The Chamberlain Library Door Handle was even kept in the Football Coach's office for a good luck charm.  We took it on the road when we played Chamberlain.  Of course, we lost that game, and only went 3-7 during the season so that only proves that it made a better trophy than it did a good luck charm. 

Fast forward many years.  When I was cleaning out my room with the help of my former girlfriend "Roxy" (not her real name) she came across the Chamberlain Library Door Handle.  She asked me what it was, and why did I have it.  When my first words were, "It's the Chamberlain Library Door Handle," she looked like she just swallowed a live fish.  I then proceeded to tell her the story I have just printed here.  I think she was just at that point where she thought nothing else I could do would surprise her.  And then I drop an ACME safe on her head.

So here it is Jan. 1st. 2013.  That means it just flipped 20 years and a few months since I liberated the Chamberlain Library Door Handle as a personal trophy.  At this point I'm sure the statute of limitations has run out.  And Tuggle?  Well she has moved up the Hillsborough County School System ladder quite nicely it seems.  I wonder if she may have some words for me at the Chamberlain High School Class of 1994 reunion in a few years?  I may have a few words for her.  And in my hand?  You guessed it.  The Chamberlain Library Door Handle.

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