Friday, September 27, 2013

Things Todd Said

Over a decade ago I worked with a guy named Todd.  I hadn't given it much thought until I was going through some of my old stuff the other day.  Todd would usually bust out with this crazy things at work at least once a day.  He was pretty out there, but the drugs he took didn't help either.  As I was saying, I found an old book that I used to write the things he said in.  I thought, "I have to share this wisdom on my blog."

Todd came up to me and said, "I have rage against the candy machine!!!"  It seems it took his money and didn't give him his Skittles. 

There was one time that this guy, who was a total tool, was talking to a few of the employees.  He was a bit of a douchebag.  So when the guy walked off, Todd started doing an impression of him.

"Ya know, I had a few days off, thought I'd come down here, spend some time at the beach.  That sort of thing. 

As I write it, it doesn't sound that funny.  But Todd did a great impersonation of the guy. 

One time, Todd came up to me, and said, "Dude that sounds like carbonated ass!"  We worked in a musical instrument shop, and the playing was usually bad.  This time is was extra bad, and yeah, it did sound like carbonated ass.

PSYCHO SLURPEE!!!  Okay I have no idea what that means.  I can't remember the story behind it.  Although I wish I could.

There was going to be a staff meeting that night, so all employees had to attend.  Todd said to me,

"Ya know, every day is an adventure.  For instance I got a ride up here for the meeting, however, I neglected to get one home.

Todd walked in kind of angry one day, and just yelled out into the store, "There's a seven foot tall schizophrenic living in my house!!!"  It seems that Todd's roommate was in fact seven foot tall, and he was a schizophrenic.  I really had no idea how to respond to that.

My real regret is that I missed writing things down a lot of the things he said. I didn't get some of his really good stuff written down.  Namely, I started my book of his sayings not long before I was fired from there, so it was pretty short.  Also, we only worked three days together, and on opposite shifts at that.  And once I no longer worked there, I moved away, and never saw Todd again.  I hope he is doing okay after all these years.

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