Wednesday, February 20, 2013


Note:  No real names will be used in this blog.

I have this friend by the name of "M."  It seems his birthday is coming up.  One of the things he likes to do in his spare time is stand up comedy.  So his girlfriend "Dee Dee" wants all his friends to throw him a roast for his birthday.  For those who don't know, a "roast" is when a bunch of comics get together, and rag on/ make jokes about their friend.  The other thing about a roast is that, the comics also make fun of the other comics/guests at the roast. 

This left me to thinking...  Since I am a friend I would be invited to this roast.  And it also made me think....  I would get to roast M.  And then, I would not only get to roast M, but everyone else.  And thus, the ultimate thought would be that I would get to be completely unfiltered.  And let's be honest, my unfiltered thoughts are much like the pictures in my blog.

Honestly, I am filtering about 80% of my thoughts all the time.  I'd hate to think what would happen if they were unleashed upon an exsuspecting crowd.  Heck, even an expecting crowd would be equally impressed/offended by my stand up.

That's the one thing that Dee Dee didn't think ahead.  As M's girlfriend she would be a main target.  And I gotta admit that I've already got a few jokes in mind.  And that's the funny thing.  I don't have many for M yet, but boy do I have a few zingers for Dee Dee.  In all fairness she gives a comic a lot of ammo.  She's a former stripper/ webcam "model" with 16 tattoos.  And that's not to mention all the rings in her head/tongue, etc.  And then when you actually get to meet her, you can get a whole lot more zingers come to your head. 

The idea is to hold the roast at the independent coffee shop we all go.  This would be a great place to make fun of.  I can make fun of the menu, items, overpriced drinks and things.  I would also be able to make fun of the groups that meet there.  Namely vegetarians, Green Party, and persons going through gender reassignment surgery.  Really, the place is Rush Limbaugh's worst nightmare.

So then I got to thinking, there are other people to make fun of too.  The owner Kay is a lesbian and her partner Mand are a great couple to make fun of.  Mainly because they are quite a bit different from each other.  There would be a great opportunity to make all the power roles in their relationship.  And of course I would get to use the words bulldyke, powerdyke, and fisting.

There's a guy who works part time at the coffee house is an openly gay man named B.M.  I think he kind of likes me in a more than platonic way.  He's a really nice guy, but I'm sure there are quite a few jokes I could tell about him trading me tea for sexual favors.

There is an amazing person that I met at the coffee house.  His name is J. and he was born premature.  He was not supposed to live, but he made it.  He has M.S. but a lot of people think he is retarded.  He's not, but he has the speech impediment, and rough walk that makes people think he is.  Despite all the crap he has endured, he has become an amazing person.  He is also surprisingly gay.  So there is a lot to have fun with except one thing.  He has endured so much ridicule in his life that he can't take a joke or insult, even if that is the norm with a roast.  I would have a few things to razz him about, but only if he wasn't there.

A lot of M's friends come on game night.  One night I was there I heard them arguing over Pokemon facts.  I didn't know them, but I wanted to comment on what total virgins they were.  So that's a definite when holding a roast. 

There's also a woman, I'll call her "S." who hosts a comedy workshop.  She would be a great one to poke fun at.  I already have a good one lined up in that, I'm not sure if she's a lesbian, straight, bi, or just playing hard to get. 

The funny thing is that M is totally against this idea of a roast.  He thinks that a roast is only for people at the height of their genius.  Since he is an amatuer comic he thinks he is undeserving of a roast.  I kinda like the idea since it's an after hours/ only between friends sort of thing.  I hope he goes through with it, but I understand if this doesn't happen. 

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