Thursday, January 31, 2013

Farmer Adrian and the Sheepie Pigs

I like writing this blog.  It's the perfect format for me.  Twitter and Facebook posts are too short for my stories, and full hardcover books are too long.  So for me, having a blog is perfect for my short story format.  But there was one other thing that I was interested in writing.  That would be a kid's storybook.  They are mostly 30-60 pages, and have wonderful artwork.  That kind of falls into my format that I already been producing for 350 blogs. 

So now.  What do I write about?  An idea came to me when I was talking to my former girlfriend Roxy (not her real name.)  We had adopted a Guinea pig together, and shared a love for the adorable creatures. 

So one night when I was doing my usual weird thoughts/ storytelling I started telling about how there was once a really great guy by the name of Farmer Adrian.  He raised Sheepie Pigs.  Which lead to the question, "What's a sheepie pig?" 

Well, it's a giant guinea pig the size of a sheep, and has the white fluffy coat of a sheep.  Farmer Adrian would raise them, and in the springtime shave their exotic wool for money and goods.  Anyway, I got the, "Awwwww!!!!" from Roxy.  And think about it, sheepie pigs would be a great idea.  Half guinea pig/ half sheep/ 200% cuteness.  Everyone would love sheepie pigs, and they would be great at petting zoos.

Then I learned something great.  There are giant guinea pigs in real life.  They are called Capybaras.


When they are adults, they can weight from 75 to 150 pounds.  They like to live in groups so they would be great for having in herds. 

So think about this.  If we take the cuteness of a guinea pig/ capybara....

Plus the hairiness, and overall cuteness of a sheep....

You get the double cuteness of a sheepie pig!
But then comes the next part of the book.  What is the story about?  All kids books should have a lesson, so what should the lesson be about?  I was thinking something about hard work, since working on a farm is hard work.  But do most kids even know about farms and farm work these days?  It might be good in one way to tell them about farm work since they don't know about it, but then it could also make the book a little bit unrelateable and unclear. 
But the funny thing about children's books is that, there are quite a few of them.  In fact, remember when it was en vogue for all the celebrities to write a children's book?  Heck, even Madonna got in on the act.  So, I know I would have to view it as a hobby, and not really get my hopes up about getting it published.  It would have to be a fun side project.
At least it's fun to think about.  It's also a fun tale to tell small children when they request a story.  In the end it's a fun and more importantly, G-rated story for kids.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Life of Gourami

I got new fish today.  I know this is not a big deal to some people, but it is to me.  You see, I have had Tetras the last 20 years.  Today I decided to get something different.  I decided to get Gouramis.  In my younger days I did not like gouramis.  Namely because one big male gourami bullied my favorite fish, Elizabeth (a Mollie) at the fishtank at school.  Really, the gouramis need more room than the 20 gallon tank that was at school. 

So now I have six new gouramis in my 46 gallon Eurotank.  They seem to be enjoying the new tank.  I have made sure to have plenty of rocks and plants for hiding places.  The fish tend to get along better that way.  I also changed the light bulbs as the old ones were getting really faded.

So I took pictures, and made an Independent film about these new fish.  I hope you enjoy them.

And here is my Independent film, "Life of Gourami."

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

I Possess The Chamberlain High School Library Door Handle

This is Elsa Tuggle.

She is one of the worst human beings that I have ever encountered.  She is also responsible for my expulsion from Chamberlain High.  You could say I still harbor some bitter feelings about that.  She was always on my case for one reason or another.  Seriously, she once suspended me for one day for cursing.  Really, one day.  She didn't give me detention or even Saturday detention.  No, she suspended me for one day.

Before you think that I had to really stalk her to get that photo of her listen to this.  I just typed her name into google image, and that popped right up at the top.  It weren't that hard.  Besides that is her photo from the Hillsborough County School website. 

But back to the point.  I think I knew that she was going to find a way to get rid of me somehow.  In the end she pulled this stunt to get my "special assignment" to Chamberlain canceled, so it automatically sent me back to King Sr. High.  So before I was kicked out I took a piece of Chamberlain with me.  That would be the Chamberlain High Library door handle.

You see, one Fall day in 1992, during lunch me and my friend (redacted) were walking to the library.  When I grabbed the handle it partially came out.  Me and my friend walked in the library, but the only thing on my mind was that door handle.  I said, "(redacted), I've got to have that door handle."  I went out, put my foot against the door, grabbed the handle, and pulled straight out.  To my surprise it came right out.  That's when (redacted) almost fell on the ground he was laughing so hard.  I stashed it in my bag, and brought it home. 

When I transferred to King Sr. High I showed my trophy off to some of my new friends.  They were impressed/ amused/ scared to death.  Really, you might have had to know me back then.  The Chamberlain Library Door Handle was even kept in the Football Coach's office for a good luck charm.  We took it on the road when we played Chamberlain.  Of course, we lost that game, and only went 3-7 during the season so that only proves that it made a better trophy than it did a good luck charm. 

Fast forward many years.  When I was cleaning out my room with the help of my former girlfriend "Roxy" (not her real name) she came across the Chamberlain Library Door Handle.  She asked me what it was, and why did I have it.  When my first words were, "It's the Chamberlain Library Door Handle," she looked like she just swallowed a live fish.  I then proceeded to tell her the story I have just printed here.  I think she was just at that point where she thought nothing else I could do would surprise her.  And then I drop an ACME safe on her head.

So here it is Jan. 1st. 2013.  That means it just flipped 20 years and a few months since I liberated the Chamberlain Library Door Handle as a personal trophy.  At this point I'm sure the statute of limitations has run out.  And Tuggle?  Well she has moved up the Hillsborough County School System ladder quite nicely it seems.  I wonder if she may have some words for me at the Chamberlain High School Class of 1994 reunion in a few years?  I may have a few words for her.  And in my hand?  You guessed it.  The Chamberlain Library Door Handle.