Thursday, September 27, 2012

Quicksand

A while ago when I was listening to Loveline on the radio, co-host Adam Carolla said that in the 80's he thought his chances of dying in quicksand were 50/50.  For those who weren't there, it seemed that every show on TV had a quicksand scene.  It's something that you just can't make up. 

So what does this have to do with me?  Well, I go hunting.  And not just in the woods.  I hunt in swamps where there is a chance of quicksand.  One year I was hunting in a new spot.  It had rained a lot recently, and I actually did get stuck in quicksand.  Luckily, I did what Bear Grylls told me to do.


I threw myself backwards onto a log, and practically swam out of there.  In fact, I got stuck in some quicksand in a different place during that trip.  Oh yeah, and a copperhead snake was trying to bite me at the time.  It was almost typical.  I shot my gun, and fell over backwards. 

Also, take note.  Quicksand is as messy as it looks.

Also, it's not like they put up signs marking where it's at.



Oh, here's the end to that story.  I called home, and told my sister that I got stuck in quicksand.  She laughed her ass off.  She had also heard the Adam Carolla bit.

So what does quicksand have to do with this year's hunting trip.  Well, I am going to a new place.  Here's the map of it.

http://www.floridafishandhunt.com/articles/hunting-articles/florida-management-areas/pdf/northcentral/Spring_Creek-web.pdf

If you notice one thing about the map is that, I am hunting right on the ocean.  Which is of course, quicksand central.  A lot of hunters/ firearm enthusiasts like to point out how few firearm accidents there are out hunting.  Well, I haven't seen the statistics of quicksand deaths, but I don't think it would be anything to brag about. 

I worry that I will actually have to write a will before I go hunting.  Again, nothing to do with guns.  I just have that feeling like Adam Carolla I will have a 50/50 chance of dying in quicksand.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Goth Night at the Coffee House

In an attempt to drum up a little more business on Sunday nights, the local coffeehouse I go to has decided that Sunday night is Goth Night.  Honestly, I can't make this stuff up.  Oh, and since I am in the Tampa Bay region, which has a ton of Goths despite it being "The Sunshine State," the turnout was not too shabby.

So the big question for those who have never encounter Goths before is, what are they like?  Well, they are exactly how they are portrayed on South Park.


So the next question is how do they dance?  Well, again, it's exactly how they dance on South Park.


And the music?  What kind of music do they listen to?  Well, it appears to be some song called "Soultaker" by Bluengel.


Goth Night was also sponsored by Anarchist Closet.  Really, not kidding.
http://www.anarchistcloset.com/#!Home/mainPage


I didn't really get to talk to too many of them.  The ones I did talk to were pretty nice to me.  But the story of the night was this one girl.  You know, you always get that one hot goth chick, and she was it.

She had on this well,... it was hard to describe.  It was made of black leather, cut like a one piece swimsuit, except that it went all the way to her neck.  It kind of looked like this:


Oh, and there was no skirt.  It was pretty.... nice.  Damn nice.  She had on some sort of fishnets as well.  I'll admit, if she stepped outside in that outfit, and the police saw her, I was wondering if she would be arrested for indecent exposure.  Being the smartass that I am, I was seriously considering putting a dollar bill in her garder.  But then again, I have no money so that was out of the question.

Edit:  I found a picture of her.  Here she is on the left in the "small" outfit.



My next thought was, where do these people work.  If you look like this:


Who is going to hire you?  I don't even think that Hot Topic would go that far.  When you out-punk/ out-goth Hot Topic, you know you've gone too far.  And there aren't enough alternative record stores in Tampa to hire all the goths out there.  Where do they work?

They tend to play goth type movies on the screen during the night.  This last night was a Batman marathon.  They showed both "Batman Begins" and "The Dark Knight."  I just sat back in the recliner and watched both movies while people danced and mingled.

Even though I am having a bit of fun at their expense I do want to say that I was treated nicely.  No one said a bad word to me, and most left me alone.  The two hosts of the evening were both really nice to me, and I do appreciate that.

Despite all the jokes I am making I am thinking of heading back on Sunday night.  Maybe I'll wear something   a little more appropriate....like black.

And for a little humor.  This is my favorite goth article of all time:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/goth-metalhead-overcome-subcultural-differences-to,1767/