Monday, October 31, 2011


When I worked for Covenant Transport out of Chattanooga, TN., there was one thing that really bothered me.  They had a policy that stated that drivers had to bring back a tire carcass to a terminal if they had a tire replaced on the road.  If the driver didn't do that, they would then charge the driver $300 for a new tire.

Even I had this happen to me.  I actually had two tires die on me while driving out on the road.  I had to bring those tires to a terminal, and get a receipt for two dead tires.  Actually, they had me drive empty from Atlanta to Chattanooga to drop off those two tire carcasses. 

Why they have this policy in place I have no idea.  I burned up $100 in diesel just to drop off dead tires.  When tires are repaired at a T.A. or Petro, they take digital pictures of the tires and send them to the breakdown department at Covenant.  That way, breakdown can make sure the repairs are necessary, and okay them at that moment.  So why would I need to bring in the tire carcasses?

It got me to thinking... (Note: While driving I have a bunch of time to think.  A dangerous habit, I know.)  What if I hit a deer?  Would I need to bring in a deer carcass?

(In all fairness, I wasn't going to show a real deer carcass.  That would just be awful.)

This would lead to all sorts of odd questions.

1.  How much of the carcass would I need to bring in?
2.  Would a head be okay, or would I need to bring the whole thing in?
3.  Is it okay if I field dress (gut) it before I bring it in?
4.  Can I come in soon?  The buzzards keep following me down the interstate.
5.  It's summer.  This thing is really starting to smell.
6.  It's winter.  This thing is frozen to the back of the truck.
7.  Actually, where would I put it?  I have a tire rack on the back of the semi, but should I just strap the deer to the hood?
8.  If I hit the deer in one state, am I allowed to cross state lines with a dead deer?
9.  When I go through the agricultural stations, will they let me pass or will I need a permit to carry dead deer on my hood?
10.  Say, what are you all going to do with that carcass once you have it? 

Again, I spend way too much time thinking.  But then again, with Covenant Transport you never know.

The Republican Candidates Are In Fact, Underpants Gnomes

I usually don't talk politics.  It all ends up in a fight, and no one wins.  Let's be honest, no one likes it.  However, I listen to a lot of CNN on my Sirius satellite radio, and have heard a lot of the Republican candidates speak.  After listening to many speeches and points of view I have come to the realization that the Republican candidates are in fact, Underpants Gnomes. 

I do want to clarify that I am only talking about the candidates, not Republican voters.  Voters are all over the map in what they believe, and how they vote.  I can not group voters into any one ideology.

So a lot of people are wondering, Underpants Gnomes?  Well you have to go to the South Park episode dealing with Underpants Gnomes.

The Underpants Gnomes had a plan.  Profit!  But it's how they went about getting profit that was funny.

It is in this same way that the Republican Candidates are saying how to jump start the economy.

In a live speech that was carried on many networks, Rick Perry said he wanted to do away with the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency.)  So his thoughts were:

1.  Get rid of the EPA.
2.  ?
3.  Profit.

If that makes any sense to you, you are either smarter than me, or are voting for Perry.  I even went to his website, and to be honest it didn't have much in the way of issues.  Just four basic thoughts.  It was mostly about donations for his campaign.

Then there is Hermain Cain with his 9/9/9 plan.  It goes something like this:

1.  Raise taxes on the poor and lower middle class.  Lower taxes for the wealthy and corporations.
2.  ?
3.  Profit.

Michele Bachmann listed on her website, and I am not making this up, 1.  Get rid of government jobs, 2.  Lower the pay of the remaining government workers,  3.  Make the former government jobs into private sector jobs.  So her strategy is something like this:

1.  Get rid of government jobs making them into private sector jobs.
2.  ?
3.  Profit.

It reminds me of the pay I could have gotten as a truck driver in Iraq in the "private sector" working for Halliburton.  The government could have paid a military person $30,000 a year to drive a truck in Iraq.  But instead, they paid the private sector to do it.  My cut working for Halliburton would have been $380,000 a year, and God only knows what Halliburton was paid.  My point is you still need to pay someone to do that job, and outsourcing it to the private sector isn't necessarily going to save you money.  In fact, it might raise the cost.

I'll give Mitt Romney credit.  Of all the candidate websites, his is probably the best in talking about the issues.  But I wonder about his plan to "cut the Obama era regulations."  Rules and regulations are put there so people don't get hurt.  Look at the banking industry.  For years, they "did away with regulations" and look what happened.  The whole industry collapsed.  Here you go Mitt:

1.  Get rid of regulations
2.  ?
3.  Profit.

It is also said on Romney's page in plain English, that he wants to get rid of Organized Labor/ Unions.  Unions are there to make sure the workers are protected and that companies have to follow the rules.  Rules as in, laws that everyone has to follow.  How getting rid of Unions is going to help the common worker is beyond me. 

1.  Get rid of organized labor.
2.  ?
3.  Profit.

Then there's Ron Paul.  I am going to cut and paste this from his website since he says it so well himself.

Cuts $1 trillion in spending during the first year of Ron Paul’s presidency, eliminating five cabinet departments (Energy, HUD, Commerce, Interior, and Education), abolishing the Transportation Security Administration.

Seriously?  You want to get rid of the Energy, Housing and Urban Development, Commerce, Interior, and Education Departments?  And just getting rid of the Transportation Security Administration?  First, I don't think the President can just "do away" with entire departments.  And how is this going to profit the U.S.?

1.  Get rid of the Energy, Housing and Urban Development, Commerce, Interior, and Education Departments.
2.  ?
3.  Profit.

There you have it folks.  Your Underpants Gnomes candidates.

No wonder people want Chris Christy to run.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

A Scar Is Only Half A Tattoo

Every time I look at my stomach it looks back at me.  My pink inscision scar from where my gall badder was taken out.  At least it's not as gross as it was when it looked like a bleeding chest vagina.  It has now turned to a very pink shade of .... well pink. 

But let's be honest.  It looks kinda boring.  It's a seven inch scar straight up and down on my stomach.  In all fairness it looks like a pink slug.  That got me to thinking, I don't have a tattoo, and swore I would never get one but......

Let's be honest.... again.  This scar is half a tattoo.  Some of the work has already been done.  If I had an artist draw antennas on the scar, it would be a perfect pink slug.  But why stop there? 

Do you remember the movie Dr. Doolittle with Rex Harrison?  He rode a giant pink sea snail around the world.  Stick some antennas and a shell on this scar, and it's a perfect pink sea snail.  And I like snails.

I'm all for getting a sea snail tattoo.  I think it would be a great ice breaker when talking to people.  Especially weird people.  They dig those sort of things.  Oh, and alternative/ mental chicks would dig it too. 

I was thinking about posting a picture of my scar, but I'm still a little self conscious about it.  That's why a tattoo over it may make me feel a little better about it. 

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Who's Knocking At My Door?

I have been trucking on and off for three years.  In all that time, I have never encountered a lot lizard.  For those who don't know a lot lizard is a truck stop prostitute.  Since most truck stops are patrolled, lot lizards are a rare sight.  Most of the time they get on the CB and solicite that way.

And there I was.  I was trying to sleep on a humid and muggy night.  It was cool, but the humidity made it uncomfortable.  It was after midnight when I got a knock on my door.  I looked out and saw nothing.  I then heard another knock.  I looked to the back of the driver's side door and saw two women standing there.  I asked the hard question.... "What?"

They didn't answer.  I then asked "What!!!?"  I just stared at them waiting for them to say something.

One of them finally said, "Can you help us out?"

To which I replied, "No!  I'm trying to sleep."

I then went back to the bunk.  However, it bothered me so much I couldn't get to sleep for over an hour. 

I had never had that happen to me before.  Never.

Then it wasn't just a few days later I was in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.  I was actually talking to my Mom on the phone.  (Honestly, I was.)  I heard a knock on my door.  I looked out the window, and there was a woman out there smiling at me.  I thought, "Oh no, not again." 

I just shook my head, and said, "Noooooooo."

It was unfortunate, in that she was a cute thing.  She had no business doing what she was trying to do.  I felt bad for her.

But it kind of blew my mind.  I had never been approached in three years of trucking.  My former trainer Doug said he had only been approached once in 12 years of driving.  And here I get two offers in less than a week.  I was thinking, "These must be tough times we are living in for the girls to be working this hard."

Pagan Peoples, You Are Not Going To Like This

The Elysian Fields are the final resting place for most Irish Pagan believers.  However, I have found some bad news for them.  Did you ever wonder where the Elysian Fields are located?  I'm sure a lot of people would say, "It would have to be somewhere near or above Ireland right?"  Well no.  That's wrong.  It's actually located in Texas.  That's right, Texas.

It seems that if you travel on Interstate 20, Exit 620 you will come to Elysian Fields, Texas.  Check this out if you don't believe me.,_Texas

I can't think of a worse resting place for my Pagan Peoples.  Texas is not very Pagan friendly, and the area is not very magical looking.  I mean, it is close to Louisiana so there is some saving grace, but overall I think a lot of Pagans are in trouble.

Open Doors

I was picking up a huge load of Gatorade when I did something kind of stupid.  In all fairness I was really distracted.  The place didn't show up on my GPS.  Heck, the road it was on didn't even show up on my GPS.  I got there, and the guard was giving me grief.  So I finally find my dock, and have to do a bit of tricky maneuvering to get the trailer in the dock.  But I did it perfectly.  I was so proud of myself until....

The dock worker came out, and said he was having trouble loading me.  He couldn't load me since my doors were closed, and backed into the dock.  I kind of looked at him, and said, "Yeah, I can see how that could be a problem." 

I then proceeded to pull forward, and open the doors.  The workers then loaded me pretty fast.  But I have to admit it was one of my dumber moments.  At least the worker was nice about it.  He was kind of laughing about the whole thing.  It's not the first time I've done it, but it probably won't be the last.

Stacy Q Rocks?

So I travel from truck stop to truck stop, hoping the next leap will be the leap home.  Ok, not really.  But they all do seem pretty much the same.  Especially one thing, the bathroom writing.  I've got to admit, some of the writings can be pretty funny, while some are racist, and others make no sense. 

I have come across a few of the same postings by one author.  He always writes the same thing.  Stacy Q Rocks!  For those who lived in the 80's they get the joke.  For everyone else some explanation is needed.  Stacy Q was a one hit wonder in the 80's.  She had one song that was seriously overplayed, "Two of Hearts."

Now I have no idea why someone would bother to write in truck stop restroom stalls, "Stacy Q Rocks!"  All I can figure is that this guy must have a wicked sense of humor, or he really does like Stacy Q.